Lemony Vienna Style Chicken Titties

There's no real rhyme or reason for why I'm starting with this recipe as my first to share.    I am still working out my angle as I write.   Being a bit of a perfectionist, especially about communication, I have been procrastinating and procrastinating some more... waiting for the perfect plan to materialize in my head.  The pressure is on.   I know that my friends are going to be reading this and that's enough.  I think so highly of you all.  Some of you are amazing writers.  One recently got a publishing deal for her children's series.  Others who have a few books under their belt already...some who write for fun and others who write for a living.  I have set myself up in a situation that requires nothing less than the best I can do.
BUT... the moment of truth came the other day when I suddenly thought to myself, "Brig, perfectionist you might be, however, perfect you are NOT!  So, let that go and just get to work."

I know that I want to include recipes in my new blogs. 
My recipes will contain a story or history behind the recipe, some food science, photos, preparation time, and a grocery list.  Take some time on the weekend to read the details in these recipes.  It will make you a better cook to know the background information that goes along with different foods, and their ingredients.  Better food goes a long way to making your life better, my friends. 

Alright, enough with the foreplay!
LEMONY VIENNA STYLE CHICKEN TITTIES

If you love fried chicken, this is a lighter alternative that is not deep-fried, and it will make your salivary glands burst into orgasms of gastronomic bliss!

HISTORY: This recipe might be recognized as being similar to chicken parmesan from the Parma region of Italy, or chicken milanese from the Milan region of Italy.  But it is more closely inspired by the mouth-watering, crispy, tangy Austrian dish called Wienerschnitzel.   

Yes, Wienerschnitzel (pronounced Vee-ner Shnit-sell) is a compound word.  Translated directly, it means Viennese (or from Vienna, Austria) Cutlet.  

The city of Vienna, home of  Sigmund Freud, Gustav Klimt, and many other famous dudes, is not called Vienna in german-speaking countries.  It is called Wien (pronounced Veen). 

Wienerschnitzel does not mean chili-cheese hot dog for 99cents.  In fact, what we call Wieners (wee-ners), the sausages we eat in a bun, in German speaking countries is called by its full name:  Wienerwurst, which means Sausage from Vienna (or Viennese Sausage).  

Without the "wurst" part of it, it just means Viennese or from Vienna. It does NOT mean hot dog.   People who are born in Vienna are called Wiener.  Sort of like... I'm from Los Angeles so I'm an Angelina.   Or my friend Audrey Canady who lives in Brooklyn,  is a New Yorker.  

In fact, anything that comes originally from Wien (Vienna) is called Wiener (Vee-ner)  in German speaking countries. Viennese Waltz is a Wienerwaltz, (Vee-ner-valts)  for example.  (Likewise, Frankfurter means someone or something from Frankfurt, Germany, and Hamburger, means something or someone from Hamburg, Germany...)

But I digress.

A traditional Wienerschnitzel is made with very thinly cut veal steaks that are beaten with a mallot until they are wafer thin and spread out as big, or bigger than the plate they are served on.  They are then breaded, and cooked very quickly in a mixture of oil and butter, then served immediately with a wedge of lemon.  If you order this in a restaurant in Austria or Germany, the schnitzel will be bigger than your plate, but it is the equivalent of a small steak pounded out.  It tricks your eye into thinking you are indulging in gluttony even if you're truly not.  Usually it is accompanied by nothing more than perhaps a bit of cranberry sauce, roasted or mashed potatoes, and a very large stein of crisp cold Alpen beer.... A pilsner, or a light lager goes best.  Otherwise traditionally it is served rather plain.  You'll see, my recipe here is a bit more succulent and boldly flavoured.  I encourage you to play around once you've gotten the hang of things, and make it like you like it.   

I don't eat veal.   If you want to know why, do your own homework.  In my house, we don't do a lot of red meat in general, and veal... has a very inhumane road to travel before it gets to your stomach.  Even though I am not a vegetarian by any means I am attempting to be conscious and knowledgeable about everything I put into my body.  There's waaaay too much  unconscious "living" going on in this world, my friends.  

I am not the only one who feels this way.  These days, in german speaking countries many restaurants offer a chicken version of their schnitzel for those who don't want to eat veal.  If you ask me it tastes better than the veal version.

Last night I was reminiscing my time in Austria and wanted the taste in my mouth to accompany those memories.  My version renders smaller protein portions, and adds a bit of Cayenne and Garlic to the flavour pallet, with very generous amount of tangy lemon juice added right in the pan at the end of cooking to make sure that none of the pungent browning bits get left behind in the pan. 


PREP TIME: 1/2 hour TOPS!!! (including side dishes, if you're slow)

THE PLAYERS (your grocery list):
2 WHOLE (that's 4 halves) Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts (I ALWAYS use organic, free range... that sounds expensive, but you don't have to buy it from the supermarket.  Do your homework and find a small grocer or kosher grocer that gets their fowl straight from the source so you know what you're getting. Skip one starbucks mochafrappalattechino and invest in better nourishment for your body.)
Cayenne Pepper (adds a bit of heat to an otherwise very simple flavor profile)
Eggs (I prefer large brown eggs.  I don't know why.  I just do.)
Milk (2% reduced fat milk works fine.  you can substitute water here in half the quantity, if you like)
Unbleached or Whole Wheat Flour (I prefer Whole Wheat.  It's better for you!  Try it!)
Bread Crumbs (You can make your own on the weekend, out of bread that's getting old.  Just put it in the oven or toaster and let it dry out in the open air then pulverize in a ziplock bag and store in an airtight container.  Or buy it in the grocery store.  Look for lowfat, non-seasoned...)
Olive Oil (One of the healthiest oils, rich in omega fatty acid and low in polyunsaturated fats.  PLEASE NOTE THIS RECIPE DOES NOT CALL FOR EXTRA VIRGIN BECAUSE IT HAS MORE WATER CONTENT FROM THE FRUIT WHICH LEAVES FOODS SOGGY AND GREASY and the olive flavor turns bitter.  It's better used in salad dressings or foods that are not meant to be crispy... such as sauces... CHECK THE BOTTLES IN THE GROCERY STORE AND GET ONE THAT SAYS 'OLIVE OIL' OR 'LIGHT OLIVE OIL' FOR A HIGHER SMOKING POINT AND A CRISPY RESULT)
Unsalted Butter (just a smidge added for sweetness and browning)
Fresh Garlic  (garlic has too many healthy benefits to list here... and the combination of  lemon and garlic is so delectable, I know you will love it! )
Ripe Lemons (I buy my lemons in the local middle eastern or international grocery, because they are cheaper and for religious reasons most of these buy their produce from sources that practice healthier farming.  Get to know your grocers, people! )
Tenderizing Mallot  (Every supermarket has these in the section where they sell kitchen tools, otherwise hit up your favorite stores such as Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, etc... you will have fun with this tool, I promise you!)
Garlic Press(use a garlic crusher that you can purchase at any kitchen section of grocery or target, etc...)Large Pan or Skillet for saute. (I like caphelon and cuisinart brands for their even heating)
Spatula or Tongs
 

PREPARATION:


If you're making potatoes to go along with this, put them on first because they will for sure take longer than the chicken to cook.  I would prep the chicken, in fact, and not put it in the pan until all accompaniments are ready to serve, because it cooks super-fast and is best served hot out of the pan, still sizzling. 

Got your potatoes on?  Got your veggies prepped?
Good.
Take your chicken breasts out and rinse under cold tap water.
Cover a cutting board with plastic wrap.  Spread one of the chicken breasts in the middle of the plastic wrap.  Make sure there's lots of room around it for it to spread.  Lay another piece of plastic wrap over it. 
Take your tenderizing mallet and WHACK THE MESS out of the chicken breast with the smooth side of your tool.  The side with the spikes is for less tender cuts of meat.  Save that torture for another time.  :)  The chicken breast will begin to surrender to your punishment and it will start to spread and get thinner.  This method of preparation will break down the meat in a way that will make it cook lightening fast, and still be tender enough to not need a knife to cut it.  Don't overdo it.  You still want to be able to handle the meat without it falling apart before you cook it.
When you're done the area of the breast should be double what it originally was.  It should be thin but not quite falling apart.   Remove from plastic and set aside.
Repeat with other breast.
You will now with a knife cut each half in half again so that you now have 8 pieces total from the two whole breasts (two from each breast half).  
Sprinkle your breasts with cayenne pepper.  If you like it spicy, be more generous.  Are you wondering why there's no salt in this recipe?  The lemon and garlic takes care of that.  You won't miss it. Set breasts aside.
Whisk together 1 egg with 1/4 cup of milk (or 1/8 cup of water) in a bowl. Set aside
In a separate wide and shallow container (non-reactive or non-metal) mix 1 cup of breadcrumbs with 1 cup of flour. 
Now.  If your potatoes are ready, and your veggies are done, you can proceed with cooking your chicken.  If not, STOP HERE and wait for your accompaniments to be ready to serve.
Once the time has come proceed as follows:
Heat about 4 TBSP olive oil and 2 TBSP butter over medium heat in large pan.
Crush 4 cloves of garlic with a garlic press, directly into pan with heating oil.
Dredge breasts in flour mixture, then dip in egg mixture, then in flour mixture again.
Place in pan when the oil is so hot that it pops when a drop of water is dropped in it, or when it is sizzling and a  gentle bit of smoke is rising. 
Once the chicken is in the pan, don't move it a lot. That will give you a nice carmelized crisp texture.
While your chicken is cooking, squeeze the juice from 3 lemons and set aside.
(Lift the edge of one piece of chicken, to see if it's golden brown underneath after about 2 minutes.  If so, then turn it over.)
Cook for about 2 minutes more on the other side.
As soon as it's browned on both sides, pour the lemon juice over the chicken, turn the fire off, and put a lid on the pan so that lemon juice can steam and loosen up all that yummy browned garlicky goodness in the bottom of your pan.   Let it sit for 2 or 3 minutes and it's ready to go!
That's it!!!
I like to serve this with garlic mashed potatoes, and steamed or grilled veggies.  And of course....
A nice cold frosty stein of Alpine BEER!
Last night, the Austrian came home from work, tired and grumpy, around 7pm.  Dinner was served around 7:30pm.  There was much moaning and praise over dinner, after which, his mood was greatly improved.

Enjoy!!!