Repost: Deacon Fielder Strikes Again...Boston Fielder and his Muthawit Orchestra

 ORIGINALLY POSTED 3/30/2010
finally, a release cometh...so i'm reposting...

I came to be acquainted with the inimitable Boston Fielder about half a decade ago, believe it or not, on Myspace.  I'd been writing a blog there while promoting my music and building up a following which consisted of myspacers worldwide.  We were mutual fans of each others music.  

At some point I'd posted a blog chronicling a particularly challenging period in my journey and the next day, in my inbox there was this message from him... It was raw, straightforward, scolding, as if he'd ordained himself an authority on the subject of Brig Feltus, and it was a profound moment for me.   I'm telling you this up front because there's no use in pretending to be unbiased when it comes to Boston Fielder, the Muthawit Orchestra, or Underground Railroad Broadcasting Alternatives, aka URB ALT.   We have been devoted friends for longer than linear time can define.  We knew each other in another lifetime even.  I'm sure of it.  I am a proud member of the URB ALT Family.  

 I'm telling you up front because though this is meant to spread the word about the art this man creates, it is unabashedly personal.  Let my honesty about this fact represent my confidence that what you will experience will more than justify my love of all things Muthawit!

So by all means, explore for yourself when you're done here.  You'll find me to be an honest report on the virtues of the man and his art.  I am confident of that much. 

The music of Muthawit Orchestra will not be contained in the structure of conventional musical genre descriptions.  But, oh... it is in every way music, encompassing all genres and none all at once... neo-classic, jazz, rock, funk, bluegrass, gospel, experimental, metal, psychedelic, blues, electronica...and it's own indescribable something-or-other which can only be experienced and never explained.  You can forget about trying to put this man's art into a box and tying it up in a nice neat bow.  If there is any thematic, that be it. 

You will be challenged.  You will be challenged to free your mind, to let go of your own preconditioning, break loose of the chains of stereotype, archetype, and cultural characterization.   The Muthawit orchestra's sound is beautiful noise that will touch your most guttural conscience and your most ethereal dream scapes as well.  It is frightening and sexy and comforting and confusing truth all wrapped up in compositions you can relate to despite your own conditioning.  If you are afraid of your tail feathers shaking, do not listen.  If you are afraid of arousal, do not listen.  If you fear your own emotions, this is not music for you.  Go and have a cup of tea and carry on. 

Every time I listen to this music I rejoice.  lol... I choose my friends wisely, you see...  

URB ALT is also Mr. Fielder's brainchild... a community of artists, filmmakers, photographers, poets, musicians, and their admiring relatives and friends, all attempting to live on the cutting edge of free thought and inspiration.   For me personally it has been a place where I can get to know others like me... alternative thinkers who don't quite fit the manufactured grooves of this groupthink society we all live in.    He will say differently but for me it is a movement, by pure definition of the term.   You see, I have been moved more than once since becoming a member of URB ALT.  Movement is the nature of the beast!  

Visit URB ALT

Boston's orchestra ensemble Muthawit releases its next album soon and I am honored to have been one of the first to hear its jewels pre-mastering and I couldn't wait til the proper time, so I'm telling you all about it now and getting a jump on all the promotional hype that's coming down the road closer to release date.  

As far as I'm concerned, the character of the artist will tell you a lot about their art.  This man is extraordinary in every way that I know him, and has many layers of depth, not to be digested all at once.  

Being his friend is a constant temptation to be greedy. There's stuff I just intuitively know about him but don't have to think about most of the time because it's beneath the surface.  His surfaces, when you meet him, are slow, and easy going, and gentle, just like his southern drawl.  

But don't be deceived.  Every now and then he says something or does something and I'm reminded about that other stuff beneath his skin... things that can be intimidating when one considers to look straight on.  

(Do you think people understand you? Not really. If they did they'd run...)

I gotta look with sunglasses, because he's like the sun.  Most know the sun is strong, so we resist the urge to look at it straight on.  The timid don't bother looking at all, won't even stand naked in its rays for fear of getting cancer, and in the process end up with vitamin deficiencies because of it. The foolish, in their greed, forget and try to look straight into it, and end up with scorched corneas.  

That's what he's like.  Seductive ease on the surface, and raging nuclear energy underneath!  His music is evidence of all that stuff beneath the surface, organized a bit, and recorded for posterity, which is a good thing because his sub-surface stuff evidently doesn't like repeat it self in order to keep you on your toes!

As if to prove my point, while I was writing this last bit a minute ago Fielder emailed me a disclaimer warning me not to hold him to his answers because he plans to contradict himself regularly over the next few months... Schizophrenia Convenia he calls it apparently.. ( one of a thousand Bostonisms I've had the pleasure of cracking up over all these years.)  THEN  a minute or two later, a post-post-disclaimer requesting to add Igor Stravinsky, Samuel R. Delany, and Jack Kirby to his influence list... Did I ask for an influence list? Perhaps he was referring to his heroes... Uncle Baldy, and Co...  He also informed me that this is one of a handful (literally) of interviews he's ever allowed. 

What? I haven't said much of anything about the new album? Perhaps you should go back and read this posting again and pay attention this time. 

Other than that? Have a listen here and then you'll just have to wait!




Below is a quicky email interview I sprung on him today without warning.  These are his off-the cuff answers.  Thank you Boston for your friendship, for your music, for your wisdom, and for your most admirable existence!!   May your purse reach you...

What is Muthawit? A loving homage to my elders, peers, children and folks who use common sense.  

When did you start Muthawit? When I was 7 years old.

What was your inspiration for its creation?  My grandmother's singing voice and my grandfather's speaking voice.

What is the Urb Alt Movement?  Following the North Star is a movement that inspires me personally but I wouldn't call URB ALT a movement.  The financial component would make that hypocrisy.

What makes the Urb Alt Movement important in these times?  I don't know that URB ALT is important.  Is making people feel good about themselves and others enough to say that it's important?  Hmm. 

Would you compare Urb Alt with other movements in music history? Pouring glass as slowly as possible into a pitcher.

What kind of people are participating in your movement?  People who probably don't consider it a movement because movements tend to have a head, the head is lopped off by history and then it dies, is placed in a museum or cryogenically frozen in a state of mediocrity.

Who are your musical heroes past and present day?  Uncle Baldy, Marvin Gaye, Alice Coltrane and that old dude who used to sit on the front row of the church is Tupelo and chanted "Yap, Yeah, Yap, Yeah" during Reverend Pulliam's sermon.

In 10 lines of PROSE or less, describe your musical compositions in poem. "Beauty. Booty. Baby. Bounty. BOOM."

Do you think people understand you?  Not really.  If they did they'd run.

Does being understood matter to you on a personal level?  It means everything and nothing.  Too much to do.

Does it (being understood)matter to the successful spreading of the music?  Only if the music is good does it matter and even then pirates will hijack it on the seas of change before the purse reaches the hands of the chosen.

What do you believe your art contributes to the world?  Joyful cacophony and a good reason to get out of bed or stay in bed depending on the situation.

Is there a subject matter you are afraid to write about?  No.

Is there a subject matter you love to write about?  No.

What is the story behind your new album's title Men and Women?  The death of individualism, the rise of the IRS in the micromechanics of governing and the joy of watching tadpoles swim downstream.

What was the most joyful moment in creating the music on this album?  Mixing PMS Junkie.  It was a bloody good time.

What challenges did you face in making this album?  Tenant revolt.

Is your music influenced by any esoteric or ethereal experiences?  Mainly dead people who walk with us and share our experiences.  They like to dance and eat popcorn.

Did you have any experiences of transcendance during the creation of the music on Men and Women? If so, explain.  I got regular sleep for the first time in well over a year due to roommate overhaul.  It released a torrent of positively kinetic energy.

Which song is your favorite and why? What's it about?  My favorite didn't make the album cause it hasn't been written yet.  It'll be the greatest song ever written in history.  Better than anything Lennon and McCartney or Liberace could produce on their best day.

When will the album be available in stores?  May 9th.  Mutha's Day.

What are your thoughts on overcoming incomplete paradigms in life?  A paradigm by nature is complete.  It's a simple signpost of change that has served it's purpose.
What are you dreaming up for the near future artistically?  Children.

What are you dreaming up for the near future personally?  Protection.

The Story of Stuff.

I'm gonna show this to the Pyrate today when he gets home from school.  I hope that this will impact him in a way that motivates him to participate more cooperatively with things like... making sure to put the darn re-usable grocery bags back in my car so that the next time we go shopping, we don't have to use those awful bags that cause such a horrible mess in the oceans he wants to work in as a marine biologist when he grows up.  He and his 13 year old mind sometimes has bigger fish to fry, such as this month's crush, or how dope that olly was that he impressed his friends with.  I can't tell you how many times we get to the store and I look in the trunk and there's no bags.  grrrr!
Anyway, I digress.

Below, there is a video that I received in my email inbox this morning in celebration of Earth Day.  Please, please PLEASE watch it.  It's 20 minutes out of your day.  Just 20 minutes.  But if you allow it to sink into your brain, perhaps you will be changed inside and an awareness... an awakening will begin to occur inside of you.

It's a short film about our non-sustainable way of living... it's about our planet and all our stuff.

Now, I know some of you will say that one person doesn't make a difference.  But I want to tell you that this is a lie, and I love you but it's lazy and irresponsible to drink that koolaid.  Please let me tell you very quickly, of a very personal example of how much of a difference you can make.

A few weeks ago I watched the film Food Inc. and one of the things I immediately decided that day is that from now on, when I buy milk for the pyrate's breakfast cereal, and baking, (i don't really drink it otherwise), I would only buy organic milk from cows not treated with rbst or rbgt (hormones to make them  produce unnaturally vulgar amounts of milk to get more milk from less cows to save money on backend expenses and boost profits).  The first time I looked for organic non-treated milk on my local grocer's dairy shelf, 3 weeks ago.   I looked closely at the labels of all the milk cartons and bottles.   I almost accidentally picked up one brand because it had a little shield printed on it where it said something like, "There is no evidence to show a difference in the milk from cows treated with rbst's or rbgt's".
Yes, just like that, the real message in tiny letters, the hormone initials in bold to trick you into thinking it's a hormone free brand.
On the contrary it was just the opposite, trying to belay the fears of the consumer should they take the time to actually pick up the container and squint to read what it really says.    I always tell the pyrate, that we are striving to be a SUCKA FREE FAMILY.  He enjoys saying his mama don't raise no fool... and the Austrian?   He, with his small European mountain village sensibility, chuckles with amusement at both of us.
So, anyway, thanks for your patience, and let me get to the point,  there was only one lone brand there on the shelves, from Iowa... yes, all the way from Iowa.  Did you know California is one of the nation's biggest producers of  fruits, vegetables, and dairy products that supply a great deal of our country and the demands of others as well??? Yet the only organic milk on the shelf came from thousands of miles away.  So begrudgingly, I bought it, even though I'm also on a local foods kick, because it's more environmentally sound, and even though it was a little more expensive. I felt a little discouraged and wondered if these big companies would even care whether or not I buy their poisoned milk when everybody else is too lazy to care.  But I stood my ground and bought the more expensive out-of-state imported milk to let these companies know that they can't have my money.
BUT WAIT!  Here's the punchline!  Last week I went to the same store and we needed more milk, so I went over to the dairy section and was to grab the same Iowa brand.  It just so happened that there was a store employee there stocking the milk shelves and she overheard the pyrate and I discussing how ridiculous it was that there was no California produced organic milk available.  The stock lady butted in our conversation suddenly with a cheerful smile, and informed us that she just filled an entire shelf with organic milk from California cows with no hormone treatment.  She said this was a new shipment and the first of its kind that she'd seen in that store from not just California dairies, but from SOUTHERN California dairies all within 100 miles of our neighborhood.
My little consumer stand for what I believe in DID make a difference, when added together with others in my community who obviously also made some sort of a stand and boycotted the milk from hormone treated cows!!!  This was an exciting moment, and I'm just talking about a carton of milk here in one store, in one city.   There is so much more to be done.

I don't want to waste a moment more of your time with my babbling on about milk.  This video is not about milk, it's about living.  Please, do me the favor and watch this video all the way through to the end with an open heart, then afterwards share this blog with your friends on all your social network accounts, through your emails, and however else you can.
Please share it with your children because it is their world that is being affected, so they should be involved, like the pyrate, who is, for example in charge of recycling, composting, and making sure the doggone re-usable grocery bags get returned to the car for the next visit to the store.
Make a difference in your own life and that of those you care for and share what you know and do something about it.
Just scroll to the bottom of this page, and stop my music player then come back here and click the"story of stuff" link below to start the video!
Much love, and Happy Earth Day!!  Brig

the story of stuff




******************

 

A Movie in the Making...

Be a part of this very special project headed up by my friend, singer/songwriter/score composer/film director (yes, and so much more) Patsy Moore! *You'll need to scroll to the bottom of my blog page and turn off my music player there.*

A REAL FEEL-GOOD PIECE OF WORK from Patsy Moore on Vimeo.

Deacon Fielder Strikes Again...Boston Fielder and his Muthawit Orchestra

I came to be acquainted with the inimitable Boston Fielder about half a decade ago, believe it or not, on Myspace.  I'd been writing a blog there while promoting my music and building up a following which consisted of myspacers worldwide.  We were mutual fans of each others music.  

At some point I'd posted a blog chronicling a particularly challenging period in my journey and the next day, in my inbox there was this message from him... It was raw, straightforward, scolding, as if he'd ordained himself an authority on the subject of Brig Feltus, and it was a profound moment for me.   I'm telling you this up front because there's no use in pretending to be unbiased when it comes to Boston Fielder, the Muthawit Orchestra, or Underground Railroad Broadcasting Alternatives, aka URB ALT.   We have been devoted friends for longer than linear time can define.  We knew each other in another lifetime even.  I'm sure of it.  I am a proud member of the URB ALT Family.  

 I'm telling you up front because though this is meant to spread the word about the art this man creates, it is unabashedly personal.  Let my honesty about this fact represent my confidence that what you will experience will more than justify my love of all things Muthawit!

So by all means, explore for yourself when you're done here.  You'll find me to be an honest report on the virtues of the man and his art.  I am confident of that much. 

The music of Muthawit Orchestra will not be contained in the structure of conventional musical genre descriptions.  But, oh... it is in every way music, encompassing all genres and none all at once... neo-classic, jazz, rock, funk, bluegrass, gospel, experimental, metal, psychedelic, blues, electronica...and it's own indescribable something-or-other which can only be experienced and never explained.  You can forget about trying to put this man's art into a box and tying it up in a nice neat bow.  If there is any thematic, that be it. 

You will be challenged.  You will be challenged to free your mind, to let go of your own preconditioning, break loose of the chains of stereotype, archetype, and cultural characterization.   The Muthawit orchestra's sound is beautiful noise that will touch your most guttural conscience and your most ethereal dream scapes as well.  It is frightening and sexy and comforting and confusing truth all wrapped up in compositions you can relate to despite your own conditioning.  If you are afraid of your tail feathers shaking, do not listen.  If you are afraid of arousal, do not listen.  If you fear your own emotions, this is not music for you.  Go and have a cup of tea and carry on. 

Every time I listen to this music I rejoice.  lol... I choose my friends wisely, you see...  

URB ALT is also Mr. Fielder's brainchild... a community of artists, filmmakers, photographers, poets, musicians, and their admiring relatives and friends, all attempting to live on the cutting edge of free thought and inspiration.   For me personally it has been a place where I can get to know others like me... alternative thinkers who don't quite fit the manufactured grooves of this groupthink society we all live in.    He will say differently but for me it is a movement, by pure definition of the term.   You see, I have been moved more than once since becoming a member of URB ALT.  Movement is the nature of the beast!  

Visit URB ALT

Boston's orchestra ensemble Muthawit releases its next album soon and I am honored to have been one of the first to hear its jewels pre-mastering and I couldn't wait til the proper time, so I'm telling you all about it now and getting a jump on all the promotional hype that's coming down the road closer to release date.  

As far as I'm concerned, the character of the artist will tell you a lot about their art.  This man is extraordinary in every way that I know him, and has many layers of depth, not to be digested all at once.  

Being his friend is a constant temptation to be greedy. There's stuff I just intuitively know about him but don't have to think about most of the time because it's beneath the surface.  His surfaces, when you meet him, are slow, and easy going, and gentle, just like his southern drawl.  

But don't be deceived.  Every now and then he says something or does something and I'm reminded about that other stuff beneath his skin... things that can be intimidating when one considers to look straight on.  

(Do you think people understand you? Not really. If they did they'd run...)

I gotta look with sunglasses, because he's like the sun.  Most know the sun is strong, so we resist the urge to look at it straight on.  The timid don't bother looking at all, won't even stand naked in its rays for fear of getting cancer, and in the process end up with vitamin deficiencies because of it. The foolish, in their greed, forget and try to look straight into it, and end up with scorched corneas.  

That's what he's like.  Seductive ease on the surface, and raging nuclear energy underneath!  His music is evidence of all that stuff beneath the surface, organized a bit, and recorded for posterity, which is a good thing because his sub-surface stuff evidently doesn't like repeat it self in order to keep you on your toes!

As if to prove my point, while I was writing this last bit a minute ago Fielder emailed me a disclaimer warning me not to hold him to his answers because he plans to contradict himself regularly over the next few months... Schizophrenia Convenia he calls it apparently.. ( one of a thousand Bostonisms I've had the pleasure of cracking up over all these years.)  THEN  a minute or two later, a post-post-disclaimer requesting to add Igor Stravinsky, Samuel R. Delany, and Jack Kirby to his influence list... Did I ask for an influence list? Perhaps he was referring to his heroes... Uncle Baldy, and Co...  He also informed me that this is one of a handful (literally) of interviews he's ever allowed. 

What? I haven't said much of anything about the new album? Perhaps you should go back and read this posting again and pay attention this time. 

There's an appetizer on URB ALT's Sampler Dos which was just made available (for free!!) recently.  Come back after the interview and click the link to get to it! 

URB ALT Sampler Dos

Other than that?  You'll just have to wait!

Below is a quicky email interview I sprung on him today without warning.  These are his off-the cuff answers.  Thank you Boston for your friendship, for your music, for your wisdom, and for your most admirable existence!!   May your purse reach you...

What is Muthawit? A loving homage to my elders, peers, children and folks who use common sense.  

When did you start Muthawit? When I was 7 years old.

What was your inspiration for its creation?  My grandmother's singing voice and my grandfather's speaking voice.

What is the Urb Alt Movement?  Following the North Star is a movement that inspires me personally but I wouldn't call URB ALT a movement.  The financial component would make that hypocrisy.

What makes the Urb Alt Movement important in these times?  I don't know that URB ALT is important.  Is making people feel good about themselves and others enough to say that it's important?  Hmm. 

Would you compare Urb Alt with other movements in music history? Pouring glass as slowly as possible into a pitcher.

What kind of people are participating in your movement?  People who probably don't consider it a movement because movements tend to have a head, the head is lopped off by history and then it dies, is placed in a museum or cryogenically frozen in a state of mediocrity.

Who are your musical heroes past and present day?  Uncle Baldy, Marvin Gaye, Alice Coltrane and that old dude who used to sit on the front row of the church is Tupelo and chanted "Yap, Yeah, Yap, Yeah" during Reverend Pulliam's sermon.

In 10 lines of PROSE or less, describe your musical compositions in poem. "Beauty. Booty. Baby. Bounty. BOOM."

Do you think people understand you?  Not really.  If they did they'd run.

Does being understood matter to you on a personal level?  It means everything and nothing.  Too much to do.

Does it (being understood)matter to the successful spreading of the music?  Only if the music is good does it matter and even then pirates will hijack it on the seas of change before the purse reaches the hands of the chosen.

What do you believe your art contributes to the world?  Joyful cacophony and a good reason to get out of bed or stay in bed depending on the situation.

Is there a subject matter you are afraid to write about?  No.

Is there a subject matter you love to write about?  No.

What is the story behind your new album's title Men and Women?  The death of individualism, the rise of the IRS in the micromechanics of governing and the joy of watching tadpoles swim downstream.

What was the most joyful moment in creating the music on this album?  Mixing PMS Junkie.  It was a bloody good time.

What challenges did you face in making this album?  Tenant revolt.

Is your music influenced by any esoteric or ethereal experiences?  Mainly dead people who walk with us and share our experiences.  They like to dance and eat popcorn.

Did you have any experiences of transcendance during the creation of the music on Men and Women? If so, explain.  I got regular sleep for the first time in well over a year due to roommate overhaul.  It released a torrent of positively kinetic energy.

Which song is your favorite and why? What's it about?  My favorite didn't make the album cause it hasn't been written yet.  It'll be the greatest song ever written in history.  Better than anything Lennon and McCartney or Liberace could produce on their best day.

When will the album be available in stores?  May 9th.  Mutha's Day.

What are your thoughts on overcoming incomplete paradigms in life?  A paradigm by nature is complete.  It's a simple signpost of change that has served it's purpose.
What are you dreaming up for the near future artistically?  Children.

What are you dreaming up for the near future personally?  Protection.

Brig Feltus Live at Little Temple 4/29

So, next show on the calendar!!  Hope to see you there if you're in town!!

Cook 'n Dine with Brig Feltus

What happens when you learn how capitalism has completely corrupted the way we eat in this country?  You buy less processed foods.  You stop feeding your kids fast food.  You start educating yourself, and you try to cook more.  You buy fresh produce and meats from the supermarket and prepare them yourself. 

Are you safe then?  Well, no, it seems the horrifying truth is no.  Even if you do these things you are exposing your body to foods riddled with pesticides, genetical engineering, chemical fertilizers, hormones, and antibiotics.  That's just for starters.  The horror story gets worse because beyond these very tangible and obvious crimes against humanity, we are purchasing meats that come from animals raised in the most atrociously unnatural conditions in the name of mass production and high yield.  Animals are being fed foods they would never normally eat because those foods are cheaper, and because those foods manipulate the animal's metabolism, making them grow faster... up to 3 times what they would have without any manipulation. 
Produce is plucked green and unripe before the sun has gifted it with the nutrients, color, and flavor, just so that it can survive its journeys to far away places where that produce may not be growing at that time of year.  It's often treated with chemical gases once arrived, so as to create artificial ripeness.  This is why fruit from a tree in your yard tastes so different from fruit bought at your local big chain supermarket.  
We eat this food without knowing... thinking if we cook fresh food, we're doing good by our families... not understanding the growth hormones given to animals is being ingested when we eat them and our children are reaching puberty at younger and younger ages because of it.... not understanding why when we buy fruit in the grocery store the flavor is so hit and miss.... not understanding that there is very little if any research to determine what the consequences are to eating genetically engineered foods.... meanwhile cancer, diabetes, autism, immune disorders, and hundreds of other ailments continue to plague us and we don't know how we get them.

I'm only so far talking about those of us who try to do good. I don't even want to get into what's in all the packaged foods and fast food we eat in this country.  Why the hell are we in such a hurry anyway?  Greed is killing us.  It's the other name for capitalism and convenience,  if you really think about it and it's killing us one bite at a time. 
I am always outraged at the way you can walk into a grocery store and there can be two seemingly identical items on a shelf, sometimes from the same corporate source, one says 'organic'  the other not.  The organic is always more expensive.  It's preposterous.  Why, after all should it cost more to get your food the old fashioned way, with less chemicals, less pesticides, less interference in general?  Shouldn't it be if we mess with it less, it would be cheaper?  Wouldn't it make sense that if the produce grew an hour drive away, it would cost less than the one imported from South America???  Well, unfortunately, the way our food system is set up, there's no way for organic to compete on a large scale.  So we reject it.  Throw our hands up and give in to the poison... We are literally drinking the koolaid and we don't even realize it. 
So what then?  What happens when you realize this?  Well, in my case, I had the opportunity to live in other countries where the food systems are not all about capitalism. 


They might be fascinated by our bright colors and shiny flashy labels, but back home in their countries they do things a little differently than we do.
When I was living in Germany 13 years ago, there was perhaps one or two supermarkets in the cities I lived in and they weren't very popular.  Why not?  They were not needed. They were really just a novelty you could find in the really big cities where there were a lot of Americanized amenities.  That's what they call it... Americanized.... Shameful...

But again, those stores were novelties, mostly marketed towards homesick expatriots living there or poor souls who somehow thought anything Americanized was cool. 
The average person didn't go there.  It wasn't not as convenient, as inexpensive, as fresh as what they could find right outside the door to their home...
Each little neighborhood... I'm talking about a couple of blocks square... had a butcher who got his meats from the farmer who raised it, somewhere within 30-50 miles on the outskirts of town, and he received it whole and cut it into the various cuts of meat himself on the premises and sold it within the same week... each had a produce stand (or two) where you could buy fresh fruits and vegetables grown nearby... yes, they still had bananas from south america and such, but the majority of the produce came from a farm close by... and if it was out of season, they didn't have it.... simple as that... I remember thinking to myself I must be tripping off of culture shock or something because I could have sworn that the vegetables tasted better and I didn't understand at the time why... each neighborhood had a bakery with fresh baked bread and such.... and if you wanted things like cereal or other packaged foods you'd go to a store that pretty much only sold that kind of stuff... even there, was no frosted flakes, cocoa puffs, cap'n crunch, or honey bunches of oats.... there were different sorts of whole grain cereals, oats, grits, wheat meal, muesli, and the occasional granola... there you could also buy your dairy products which came from a farm which was, again within 30-50 miles of the city you were in... Cheese could be bought there too, but you could get that fresher and better quality at the cheese monger in your neighborhood.  All of these would be within easily 5 minutes walking distance and everyone owned one of those rolling market baskets that fold up like an umbrella.  People didn't even often drive to get to these places. 

It was customary to buy only what you'd use in the next couple of days and that was fine because you knew that at any time, on your way in from work or school you could stop through and pick up fresh items.  
Foods didn't have to be advertised as organic because it was the law that they be that.  They didn't need not to be because the farmers could manage to keep up with their livestock... enough to supply just the butchers in their town, and not an entire country.  By the way the entire country is smaller than the state of texas...

Did you  know that in America there used to be several dozen suppliers of meat?  Now there are about a handful... yes, actually less than 5 major meat suppliers in the entire country!  Do you know what that means?  These companies have streamlined the raising, feeding, and production of meat in this country in such a way that they can cost effectively supply a country that is probably 50 times the size of Germany!!!   You can imagine the atrocities without actually seeing them with your own eyes. 


In countries abroad, the way they produce their food is more sensible, safer, less expensive, and truly, truly more convenient and NO ONE IS COMPLAINING!  Yes, logistically it means they eat less animal products than we do.  We eat too much animal products anyway... feeding the greed in us... But the truth should hurt!

 Here, you can buy a cut of meat and there is no regulation that says they have to tell you if it has been treated, for example as some ground meats with fillers are, with ammonia... or to inform you of whether or not the meat is from a cloned animal.  Or whether the 3 lb chicken you're buying has been fed animal waste products mixed in its meal and  is really 2 lbs and the rest is salt water injected into it to make it look more plump.... (by the way, they're selling it to you by the pound and you're paying for that pound of salt water... basically paying to be lied to... )  Our regulations are in reverse.  There are regulations for those claiming to be organic but none saying that non-organic food producers have to disclose anything... Okay, they disclose "ingredients" but nothing about the processing, nothing about the growth, nothing about the pesticides, hormones or antibiotics... because we would be outraged! 


So what now?  In my case, I am now slowly weening my family off of non-organic eating habits.  We are shopping farmer's markets for produce when we can and buy from the organic section in the supermarket.  We're eating less meat because it's expensive to buy free range, grass fed, hormone free, antibiotic free animal products.  We also shop at small bodega type markets which we know buy their fresh foods locally within our state.  
I cook more often.  I seldom eat at fast food places anymore except in an emergency, and I try to hit up one such as Chipotle which is a known practitioner of sustainable foodsWe are not religious about all of this.  But everytime I buy food, I am conscious now.  I am aware now.  I don't ever put anything in my mouth without understanding the consequences.  It is a matter of awareness. 

And this is how Cook 'n Dine with Brig Feltus was born.  I wanted to share what I'm learning with people who would listen.  We're making it fun by visiting farmer's markets, watching films, cooking together, and then dining together. 

The first one was a great success, with a sold out attendance and raves afterward.  We went to a farmer's market, watched a film about farmers markets around the country, and then cooked a delicious Sunday Brunch style meal. 

This month, we'll be headed out early in the morning to a local organic farm that supplies fresh produce to high end restaurants and farmer's markets in Los Angeles county.   We'll be watching Food Inc.  and then cooking with the foods we bring back from the farm. 
If you are an Los Angeles local and any of this post inspires or moves you to make a change in your own life, please join us!  Let's learn together and spread this information to others that we love.  As corruption crumbles this obscene way of life all around us, just like in other living species, only the fittest will survive.  I don't intend to be among the feeble.  I intend to be among the strong, and  I'm starting with this small baby step and I hope you'll take it with me. 
Monthly sessions can be attended by signing up at brigfeltuscookndine@earthlink.net
You can also join our facebook group to stay in the loop regarding future events.
Co-Ed Cook 'n Dine with Brig Feltus group page on Facebook

Where's My Compton Sweatshirt? (the mother diaries)

sorry to those of you who won't understand the intra-ethnic nuances of this post... and to those who don't know me, i promise you that i will only go gangsta to protect my child.  i promise.   wouldn't you?


SO, the pyrate had a run-in with some fellow african-american boys at his very suburban middle-class neighborhood school last week before break started.   they approached him aggressively and got in his face and wanted to fight him.  for no reason, and despite the fact that they are all about a foot shorter than him, and none quite as fit.

well... a few weeks earlier they were taunting him and saying he "wasn't black".   yeah.   the pyrate is of african, native american, and german decent, and has a private school education the first 6 years of his school career.  he listens the most to bands like deathcab for cutie, rage against the machine, nirvana, and nine inch nails and lately he's stuck on playing leadbelly songs on his guitar... repeatedly.  he's also a science buff, a skater, and a bit of an afro-punk.  this gets him a lot of grief in public school.

 so, anyway, these kids walked up on him.  he had a few choice words (of the intelligent sort... rattled off the names of some very impactful people of african decent that they could not identify and then asked them who wasn't black...) then kept walking.  so last week, they took it further and walked up on him and got in his face. the pyrate says they were close enough that he could feel their breath.   he told them he was not going to fight them and walked away.   they yelled after him a bunch of epithets varying from white boy, b*tch, p***y, and other things.  he kept walking.  these boys are all smaller than him and he could have easily taken out a couple quickly and then scared the others enough to leave him alone, but he walked away... like a shaolin monk.  lol...

later that day, in the gym locker room, they watched and waited as he was changing clothes for gym class, and as he was pulling his gym shirt over his head one of them hit him very hard open handed in the center of his back... hard enough to leave a mark.  the others broke into laughter as he winced then shouted at them to never touch him again.  then he finished changing and walked away... like Dr. King, Jesus or Gandhi would.   he is not traumatized this time because he thinks their motivation is ignorant.  (he's been raised with a strong education about who he is ethnically... so that's much easier for him to deflect emotionally than say... being called gay.)

anyway,  the incidents have been reported, but the proper school authorities were already gone for the day when i was able to report it.  i'm proud of my son.  he's a much more confident and courageous kid than i was at his age... or than he was a few months ago.   we had actually had a good laugh about whether or not he thinks of himself as black.  he raised his 12 year old fist and grinned at me with the biggest nerdy grin.   i said, "say it loud!"  the pyrate said, "i am black and i am proud."  just like that... no conjugations like james brown did it.  like the black nerd scientist, afro-german, punk-pyrate, skater boy that he is.   so all is well.  i plan to be very proactive day one back to school after the break with the proper school authorities.  perhaps a conference with the kids parents, and i will press for middle school version of justice.  so all is well.  no trauma.

excuse me a moment. (but if a muthaf*cka EVER lays a hand on my son again... little wanna-be gangsta suburban fools might get to meet his momma who is straight outta COMPTON.  the pyrate's people roll DEEP! )  BWaaaaahaaaaaaa!!!    
*Not really, ....but I'm just sayin'....


i am the type to love a good rant when it's appropriate.  i could rant thoroughly about this issue and the surrounding issues of race relations within a culture.  you see this world wide, and not just with african americans.  but there is a very deep seeded culture of tension between different so-call groups of african americans... based on the color of skin, texture of hair, economic status, etc... that dates back to the times of slavery when the slaves were divided depending on whether they worked in the house or in the field.  they were pitted against each other in many very subversive ways.  

it infuriates me when the prejudice goes on in either direction, from either side.  it is all hate and has nothing to do with solving whatever is really bothering those who are hating.    but you would think in this day and age this would be all but just an memory of attitudes of the past.  obvioiusly not, when 12 year olds are taunting each other with such ethnically slanted crap.   then there's the association between so-called affluence and sexual orientation which is completely unrational and makes no sense at all.   we should be teaching our children wisdom and not hatred.  but where are our wise men and women???  when i discover them, i keep them near, use them as role models with my child. 

i have a lot of connection to what the pyrate experienced with these boys.   something similar happened to me as a kid and i didn't shake it until my mid to late twenties.   the trauma can run deep.  children... most children have self images that are still forming in their middle school years.  the behavior of these boys says a lot about the climate of the schools nowadays and of the homes that children come from.  it is dangerous behavior that can scar for life.

so, knowing what i know, i added that last bit in parentheses because parents who teach their kids to hate, to judge, to label, to bully, to insult, to be violent, to be angry, to be anti-social, need to know how the parents of your children's victims feel when they find out your child is committing crimes agains their child.


woe to you and your children.  woe to you, because your child might slip up and behave this way with a kid whose parents are NOT as civilized as i am....  who are not as much of anti-violence hippie as i am...  they might slip up and attack a kid who, unbeknownst to them has also been brought up in hateful violent environments who was taught that to kick some idiot ass if anybody messes with them.  they might slip up and attack a child who is already fragile and injure them in any of a myriad of ways, unfolding an onslaught of charges against your child and you, that will force you to reconsider the error of your ways.

these boys will face any of a series of possible punishments when they return to school in january... the school has a no tolerance policy and have expelled kids for being in a group observing one from the group attacking a victim... and on their record (the kids in the group... spectators who were with the attacker) goes a charge of gang violence because of the group intimidation element.  

so, woe to those parents... and if you're not sure if your children are happy, well adjusted, self-respecting and respectful of others, then maybe you need to get to know your children better, or woe to you as well....

Me. Live.

It will be a while before I'm on stage again.  I've got a lot going on.  Here's one last show for the year and then I'll be focusing on the new!  So, if you're in Los Angeles this holiday season, don't miss this show!!!   I'll be performing most of your favorites from the Love and Light Volume One cd.  The band will feature actor/activist  Donn Swaby on guitar, P-funk All-Star drummer Karoly Kiss , bassist to the stars Les King, and extraordinary rock violinist Jennifer "Spags" Spingola.   I'm telling you, don't miss this show!!!

I Gave Up Disposable Dining

About a decade ago, I started to collect depression glass during my phase when I was a new mother, and building my "nest".  There's something about functional nostalgia that I am drawn to.  Perhaps it's because I can remember my grandmother at some point having some of these dishes and I long to connect with her grace and hospitality.  Maybe it's kinda strange for this rock n' roll mom to be so into this stuff, but I decided a long time ago to just be who I am.  Back then I was a huge Martha Stewart fan and Martha had a thing for green depression glass.  I started to look for it at flea markets and on ebay in the beginning of 2000, and have been collecting green, lemon yellow and gold depression glass ever since.  My auntie Anita had a collection as well.  She had some green glass, but mostly milk glass and ruby red.  These dishes are very heavy and fair quite well for parties.  I pull them out whenever we have a lot of people over and my everyday dishes just won't do.  You can bid on pieces individually on ebay anywhere from pennies to a couple of dollars per item.  Sometimes they are sold in sets, sometimes by serving set, and sometimes you'll find a replacement piece such as a lid or a saucer... I don't think I've spent in total more than a couple hundred dollars on my collection.  I have enough to use for parties where I entertain up to a hundred or more people.  You might ask yourself, why I would use these for parties.  As I've said, they are pretty durable, I've only had a couple of them broken over the years. More importantly, to me at least, is the fact that I don't want to use paper or styrofoam plates.   I try to avoid the use of disposable paper and styrofoam whenever I can.  It's unhealthy for our bodies and for our earth and it's definitely more expensive in the long term.   Even for everyday dining, we don't use paper napkins.  Instead I've invested in cloth napkins and collected enough of them over the years to use them for every meal and toss them in with the laundry at the end of the day, to be washed each week with our laundry.  It is, I admit a way of living that takes getting used to.  It means dishes to wash.  But even for parties with a hundred people, we can get away with about 3 loads in the dishwasher, and/or recruiting friends to help wash and dry at the end of the night.  It's not that big of a deal, seriously.  And people appreciate the elegance and sturdiness of real dishes.  I enjoy taking people back to a time when hostesses were more graceful, actually cooked, and made an effort to show their guests that they care enough invest some time in their comfort.  I don't have the patience to be particular about pattern or brand, so long as they are good quality and in the colors that I like, I collect them.  Some people will prefer a uniform set.  But for me mix and match is the way.  I should be said the other kind of collecting takes a lot more time, patience, and willingness to pay higher prices. Antique and vintage dealers know that if you're looking for a particular brand or pattern to match what you're collecting, you'll pay more.  So I just look for certain colors, pattern, and quality of craftsmanship.   It adds a bit of funkiness to an otherwise fancy spread, to use mix match dishes in lovely jewel tone colors.  Perhaps that is the rock n' roll in me that thinks funky belongs with fancy.  Each year I choose a dish type to focus on.  In the last few years I focused on pitchers.  So now I have 6 depression glass pitchers that get used quite a bit for holidays at our house.  I also collect old silver as well.  I keep it stored in vintage flatware chests I found at the flea market, and polish it up for use on holidays when family and friends come through. 

I keep my much vintage dishes in an old pie safe (see below right), the rest in high cabinets, and only take them out when we have company. 

Some of the favorite things in my collection of dinnerware and glassware is my set of hand-painted artist signed blue clayware dishes from Tonalo, Mexico.    I found the set in a flea market many years ago and paid about $80 for something like 100 pieces, including place service for eight (dinner plate, salad plate, tumbler, tea cup/saucer, cocoa mug, soup bowl, small bowl), soup tureen, salad bowl, platter, coffee server, and more.   This is not about pretentiousness.  It's more about grace.  Every time I take them out to serve guests people get this pleased look on their faces like they are getting the royal treatment. Even the guys are flattered. They have no idea I paid less for the entire set of Mexican dishes than I would have paid for the same amount of not-as-impressive dishes purchased in the local Target.  I wouldn't trade them for anything in  a high end department store either.  I mix and match this set with my green depression glass and, as you can see in this picture,  1950's and 60's ceramic pitchers. 

If you love to entertain, investing in vintage will pay for itself.  Over the years the money I've saved on disposable ware alone has more than paid for what I've collected, and who knows how many trees I've saved. 

Much Ado About Nothing

I've been doing real good with the "new posts daily" thing... I've only missed a few days in the month I've been blogging.  It hasn't been difficult to find something to share. When I've missed it's been because I couldn't spare the 3 hours it takes to write, edit, and post a blog article. 
Today was different.  I don't know what it was... Perhaps that I was a bit preoccupied with planning the projects we are going to do in my house for christmas giving. We give handmade items for the holidays instead of participating in all that shopping foolishness.    Perhaps I was preoccupied with the show I have coming up in a few weeks... one of only two shows I've done in the last year and a half.

I sat for about an hour trying to start a blog.  But everything I started bored me silly, so I know it would have bored you sillier!  So this is it.

NOt much to tell.

I'm doing a show on December 30th... Reflections at Zanzibar in Santa Monica, CA.   I will keep you posted as to what time I'm scheduled to go on.  It should be a good show.  There are two other fantastic artists lined up as well, so I hope to see all of you who are in L. A. out that night for a pre-new years eve warm up!   The band is excited.  We've got a phenomenal guest bassist sitting in for Dave Henning, and the rest of Chrysalis Child is fully intact!   Expect to see guitarist/actor Donn Swaby, P-Funk Allstars drummer Karoly Kiss, and Jennifer "Spags" Spingola on electric Viper violin, all rockin' out with me on stage.   I'm making my way back on my own terms now, and I hope you'll all be there to be a part of that new energy!

On December 13th, my good friend, jazz/soul artist  Nailah has a holiday concert and toy drive and probably a couple of other things going on.  Check her calendar for details here!  Any effort you make to get out to see this woman perform will be for sure justified.  She is a force of nature!

On December 17th, my good friend, the soul songstress Jimetta Rose will be celebrating the release of her debut album "The Barber's Daughter".  9 pm at Stereo Love at the Little Temple 4519 Santa Monica Blvd.

I'm sure there's more going on!  If you've got an event you want to share, post it here as a comment.

Alright.  It's now officially the next day and I've missed my "new posts daily deadline"...

But better late than never, right?

To sleep I go...

Black Girls, Can We Talk? A rant about hair.

I've had it.  I've had it up to here.  Yes, here.  Can you see where I'm marking the air with my hand? High above the ends of my big crazy fro?  That's how over the whole discussion of hair, I am.  There are some things that just should be done with and exited as resolved, but we cling to the fake controversy as if controversy is our one true treasure left to hold on to.  Why do we discuss this as if we don't know better?

Did you see the movie Good Hair?    Let me say first, I am not anti-straight hair, and that I enjoyed the movie.  I did laugh.  Up until a certain point.  You see, at some point it is not at all funny to hear a woman (of any color) say that they feel they must spend exorbitant amounts of money (often money they cannot afford, sometimes money that would be better spent in other ways... perhaps on getting some ethnicity related therapy of some sort...) to use dangerous chemicals to straighten their hair, or attach someone else's hair (usually much longer and of a genetically incompatible texture) to their heads, because they think it will make people feel more comfortable around them.... in other words, naturally kinky, nappy, curly, frizzy hair is somehow socially discomforting to the general public.  I don't find it at all entertaining to hear women talk about how they are willing to burn holes in their scalp for the quest for straight hair because straight hair is accepted by the general public as more beautiful.


I have a 27 year old friend who wears wigs... that make her look like she's got some serious issues.  She hates her real hair, thinks it's ugly,  because she does not know what to do with her hair and hasn't taken the time to figure it out.  27 years old... wearing wigs.

Listen, I'm an artist.  I love variety.  I love self-expression and creativity... and I have been known to use my hair to exercise both of these.  I have a wig that I adore.  It's a Betty Page style wig.  I don't sport it often.   You may never even see me in it.  It's just for fun.  It's not an image corrector.  You get what I mean?  Everybody knows I spend half the year in braids down to my buttocks and that those purple, green, blue, red, yellow, and fuschia braids, dreds, and twists are not my natural hair.   But I'm sure you also know darn well, that I'm not doing that to make ANYBODY more comfortable with my appearance.   I'm not concerned about whether or not anyone finds my hair to be unfamiliar, strange, unruly, wild, anti-conservative.  I think my hair makes that perfectly clear.   But this kind of self expression is a whole other subject that perhaps I'll touch on at another time.

I want to state my position regarding self mutilation, economic self-oppression, and the act of surrendering to a centuries old degradation of who I am as a woman, and further as a black woman, and I have several points that I want to make in that vein.

1.  I am not my hair, as the lovely India Arie so eloquently put it.  How I wear my hair is MY business.  It is just as personal as whether or not I polish my nails, or use lotion on my skin.  It is just as personal as whether or not I like lipstick or prefer lipgloss instead.   NO ONE has the authority, expertise, nor ordinance... WAIT.  I DO NOT GIVE ANYONE  the authority, expertise, nor ordinance to decide how I will wear my hair.   I will not risk my financial health, my physical health, nor my emotional health to change how I wear it in the quest to lure a man, to impress a woman, and CERTAINLY NOT to thwart someone's racial, sexual, or classist prejudices against me.   The history behind this kind of prejudice is so deeply seeded that we don't even acknowledge anymore that it has anything to do with our choices.  But the truth is, the programming was established centuries ago, long before we of African decent even knew it was happening.  Back when people spoke of us in their faraway lands as if we were exotic, but nevertheless inferior animals, with strange and wild behavior, and physical appearances to match.   This image created in the land of barbarians and inquisitors... the land of slave trading and paganism...  When did we decide to adopt this as our own self-imposed image, that we might pursue, as one of our most invested endeavors, to change what we look like to change the minds of those who created that image?  

The irony amongst us is so thick you could not get through it if you tried.   Look at how we scoffed at Michael Jackson for the changes he made to himself physically.  We scoffed, as we looked at pictures in our favorite gossip magazines, while sitting our asses in the beauty salon chair for half a day, getting the hair of some poor girl in India sewn into our heads, or while our favorite hairstylist slapped that sodium hydroxide onto our hair to literally break down the molecular structure of the hair's strand, dissolve the interior bonds, and replace it with new, artificial ones, wincing as it sizzled on our scalps, spending our last dime... scoffing at Michael Jackson for trying to look white (which I can personally attest, because I was there, was not what was really going on with him...).  Same thing with how we scowl at women who get boob jobs, botox, facelifts and other forms of body mutilation for false vanity.  We talk all that mess probably the most whilst sitting in the salon chair mutilating our hair.  The hypocrisy astounds me!!!! 

2. NEWSFLASH:  Black girls with nappy hair have jobs.  High ranking executive type jobs.  Jobs as scientists, astronauts, doctors, lawyers, Ivy League university professors, philosophers, politicians.   Some of the most influential black women in the history of the world were black women with nappy hair!  Those of you worried about catching a man, black girls with nappy hair have romance, marriage, companionship, and I'm here to tell you we enjoy phenomenal sexual experiences just like our straight haired sisters... and in the cases of those who are still oppressed, I argue perhaps better because there's one less thing to be self conscious about when we're in that naked, vulnerable state! Our lovers can put their fingers in our hair, massage our scalps, grab a fist full in the throws of passion... You get the idea...   Black girls with nappy hair have friends of all colors, races, cultures, and creeds.  We are not all angry (though just like anyone else, we can be angered...), we are not all militant, and whatever we are, whoever we are, you canNOT assertain based on the texture of our hair.    (As you read this you might think I'm talking to white people here.  I might be talking to some, but I'm more talking to those of my sisters who are inflicting this oppression upon themselves by defending against this false stigma.)

3.  My mother started taking me to the hair salon when I was around 12 years old and I got my first permanent relaxer treatment.   Before that my hair was pressed into submission with hot combing so that it was easier to control and "looked good".   My mother spent hours to do this... once or twice a month.  Both me and my sister!!! Eventually she cut my hair off so that it would be easier to control.  The irony is, my mother is about 3/4 Native American Indian, and my hair is what they called "good hair" back in those days.  Compared to most, my hair was easy.  I just had a lot of it and it was easier for her to deal with if it was straightened, and that's just what people did  back in the day.  You only went natural if you were either trying to join the black panthers or you were a muslim or something.  Everybody else was straightening their hair.
In 1992 I cut off all my hair when I began training at the world renowned Vidal Sassoon Academy as a haircutter and stylist.... a UK based company with 4 academies at the time, worldwide... the most respected place to train in the profession.   They were not your average beauty school.  They had philosophies and standards above and beyond state safety and hygiene regulations and basic skill acquisition.  They had doctrine about what beauty was.   Beauty was a combination of inner qualities and the synergy between all of your outer traits.  In other words, each of us is made up of an architecture of physical traits that work together to make us beautiful in our own unique and natural balance.   They believed that if you had curly hair the ideal look for you would incorporate those curls, not torture them into mutation.   They believed that beauty was a matter of authenticity therefore if you're Chinese, don't try to look like an African, and if you're an African don't try to look like you're Chinese.  

4.  WOMEN!!  ALL WOMEN!!!  When will we wake up and stop this foolishness, starving ourselves, cutting ourselves, torturing ourselves, all in the name of so-called beauty.  This culture of beauty is perverse, shallow, and it is extremely unhealthy!!!   It is a LIE that we tell ourselves when we bend over backwards and obsess over vanity in the name of being attractive so that we might be more desirable to men.   I am hear to tell you today that if we stop this madness we will STILL have the same chances of finding a good man, and perhaps a BETTER chance because the boneheads will be eliminated from the pool of potential suitors.   
This is not about men.  This is about how we feel about ourselves.  It is about a loss of rejoicing in the God-given beauty and magnificence that is WOMANKIND!  Your beauty and desirability is NOT about those things you can change about your outside.  I know it sounds cliche, but it's the truth.

I am living proof.  I found the love of my life at a time in my life where I wear little or no makeup unless I'm putting on the rock star, I don't dress up unless I have to, I'm thick and not particularly worried about it outside of for health purposes, and yes, I have been sporting my naturally curly/kinky, frizzy hair since 1992!!!   It's like having an anvil removed from around my neck after years of being a slave to the hot pressing comb and a junkie for the creamy crack (permanent relaxer).    That's not to say that I will never straighten my hair again.  It's to say what people think of me, how my hair makes them feel about me is of absolutely no consequence at all.  I am free.  100% free when it comes to my hair.   We should all be free like this!  Hell! Save the money for something extravagant like say.... organic groceries, an eco-friendly vehicle, and hey!  Perhaps some THERAPY!  I'm telling you, our priorities are way out of whack!

To me this should all go without having to be said, ergo my frustrated tone.  This is a new age we are dawning upon.  We have to let go of those shackles.  They are barely even hanging on anymore.  And we've got keys, ladies!!!  But listen, this is not about me.  Please don't stop there, and make this about my tone or attitude and choose to be offended.  This is not about what I think of you.  This is about how you feel about yourself!!!
If you have searched your soul, and you're sick of being in those straightening comb, $1000+ weave, ammonium thioglycollate shackles, and you feel trapped into something that's costing you in more ways than you want it to,  but you don't know what to do with your natural hair, there are fantastic resources out there now.  God Bless the Internet!   Here are some of the sites I find useful for my own hair:
http://maneandchic.blogspot.com/2009_03_01_archive.html
http://www.blackhairinformation.com
http://bglhonline.com/
http://ghettointellect.com/nappykitchen/
http://www.kynk.ca/
http://www.curls.biz/
http://missjessies.com/
http://zurique.webs.com/
http://search.fotki.com/?q=kinky
http://search.fotki.com/?q=dreadlockshttp://www.naturalhairstylesblog.com/
http://www.nappturality.com/