Obento: My Newfound Curiosity

Just a quick note:  
On many of my blog posts you'll see little icons which are part of a really cool application I use for links to items of reference pertaining to the subject matter.  Many of these you don't even have to click on.  You can often just place your cursor over it and a small box will pop up with the relevant information, video, photo, or website so that you can explore without actually leaving my blog post.  Ain't that special? Try it out here!

Anybody who knows anything about the Butterfly Queen knows that cooking is a passion.  I love cooking even more than I love eating.  Really, it's true.  During these last few weeks, I've gone silent pretty much here on the blog space for several reasons you can read about here: Domo Arigato Mr. Obento.  For the sake of not boring those of you loyal friends who subscribe, I won't re-hash all of that here.
Suffice to say, I've been rather busy.  Too busy to have the brainpower to write, too busy to have the patience to check-in, and too busy to have the desire to cook!
But a few weeks ago I stumbled upon a recipe that let me to a blog site on cooking written by a Japanese woman living in Switzerland.  She specializes in recipes from Japan and Korea, with a lil' bit of fusion mixed in for good measure.  Fascinated by her lovely photos and recipes, I found myself cruising her site for hours at a time, night after night...into the wee hours when my guys were happily sleeping.  There were many recipes which she specified were perfect for Bento.  Recipe after recipe I kept seeing the phrase "perfect for Bento", with a link to her other blog site where she touted she writes specifically for the art of Obento.

 from: www.giveittomeraw.com

Obento (the "o" is optional and denotes the respected or honored reference to the art), in summary is the Japanese tradition of artfully packed boxes containing single-portion meals usually carried for lunch, picnics, etc... The foods packed revolve around the traditional "anatomy" of a Japanese meal.

What appeals to me on first impression, is the idea that preparing lunches in these boxes is a great way to practice portion control if you're on a diet.  You can only fit in these Bento boxes what fits in them.  You can see quite easily the size of your portions and the proportion of one course to the other... for example 1/4 of a meal should be protein, 1/2 vegetables, 1/4 grains.   On a plate, it is much harder to eyeball these proportions.  I love the idea of having a fun way to be more conscious of what we consume without feeling like I'm on a diet.  Diets suck.  I don't do them anymore.  I'm also on a personal mission to enjoy my life, just as I am, with what I've got instead of being on the perpetual treadmill of "If only I were thinner, If only I were richer, If only I were more successful..."   I am healing myself of that oh-too-common illness that seems to be plaguing most people these days.  I'm going to enjoy this life, rejoicing in each day, and all that it brings.  Can I get an "Amen" or an "Ashe'"?

The next thing that appeals to me is the idea of Umami... which is a term now used in the west, but borrowed from the Japanese... it is the 5th taste experience besides those we are commonly familiar with (sweet, salty, bitter, sour).  It is best described as "savory"  I suppose.  Umami is said to be the one universally loved taste sensation and is said to be found in all of your favorite foods.  My own personal theory is that it is a combination of the other four tastes... a perfect balance of the four.   I just love to say it... "Ooh, Mommy".  Ain't that good???  I love it! Ha!

Thirdly, it just looks like so much fun!!!  Anybody can do it.  You can pack them however you like, with whatever you like, with a few practical precautions.  It's a fantastic way to use up leftovers which is a wonderful way to live a little greener and a great excuse for cooking at home without worrying that you're only feeding yourself. It's fashionable, exotic as you want it to be, artistic, and will save money by avoiding all those calorie packed, sodium packed, sugar packed, fat packed lunches bought out!  They can be hot, cold, or both in multiple tiered boxes. There's the more traditional style lunches which are beautiful to the eye (they consider this just as important as the taste and nutrition),

from www.apartmenttherapy.com

and then there's the Kawaii (this means cute or adorable)versions which I know the Austrian and the Pyrate will boycott but Miss Scantlebury will no doubt be head over heels for.   Either way, I've found another way to express my creativity and I'm very excited to give it a whirl.

from: www.theswellelife.com

 from www.craftycrafty.tv

Anyway, are you inspired?  I'm going to start my first Bentos this week.  They will not all be traditional Japanese ingredients. But there will be lots of Japanese influences, and some recipes I've borrowed from the Just Bento site, while I'm learning how this works.  I'm already marinating some chicken skewers in a soy/ginger/lemon/pepper flake marinade which will be grilled, and a pork shoulder with will be slow-roasted with a fresh red chili salsa.  These will be used throughout the week in different ways.  Salads, sandwiches, pastas, omelettes... you'll see!  It's gonna be a fun week!!

from:  www.mosaica.wordpress.com

If you are planning on giving this a try, I suggest you do the following:
1.  Visit the Just Bento site and read the following: Bento Basics and when you're done read the first few links at the bottom of that page to find out what equipment you'll need.  There's not much... a bento box, a rice cooker, a few inexpensive accessories.
2.  Start to acquire your equipment.  There are four of us, so I've got 6 boxes of varying sizes. If you decide to use regular plastic food containers, look for BPA free please.  Yes, I am still going to try to practice healthy, organic, sustainable living while on this adventure. We already have a rice cooker.  I'm going to get a pressure cooker this week.  I also got some optional accessories such as silicone muffin cups, little plastic picks. Miniature sauce bottles and mayonaise cups are also handy lil' things to have.  You can find most rare Japanese accessories for bento online here or here. Try the first link first because the prices can't be beat.  Be sure to get microwavable bento boxes please so you have more versatility with what you can put in it.
3. Take a look at basic pantry staples to have on hand:  Soy Sauce, Mirin, Japanese Sushi Rice (brown and/or white) are commonly used in almost every traditional Japanese or Japanese inspired Bento lunch.  No other rice will substitute. (more on that later...)

One more thing I should mention:  I have a seafood allergy... a challenge in regards to any Asian cuisine... But feel free to browse the other web blogs for seafood recipes... you won't find them here!

I'll be back in a couple days with my first attempt and a couple recipes to add to your arsenal!  Have a great holiday!!!

Domo Arigato Mister Obento

Well, I know I've been MIA lately, but you know how it is... The end of the school year, plus a bunch of other stuff going on in my home life and next thing you know the time flies by and I haven't written a thing!!

At least not here!
One of the things I'm working on is bit by bit piecing together my very first cookbook.  It will be a tribute to my family heritage, which mixes the cuisines and traditions of several cultures, and includes organically grown, (often homegrown) foods.
I'm having fun with the introductory outline which tells about my childhood memories of road trips to grandma's house fully equipped with picnic basket in tow and  my other grandmother's home garden which provided the vegetables for the entire family for most of each year. I know that the stories and recipes from this project will resonate with many of you.   Stay tunes for further updates on that project!
In the spring, I made the careful decision to terminate the Pyrate's public school attendance and homeschool him as of the fall this year.  I spent several weeks contemplating this decision, researching our options and the possible consequences.  Several disturbing events over the last two years brought enough alarm to my mind that in some ways I almost felt there is no other choice.  I worried about the social implications for the Pyrate, however, the social implications if he stays in the environment he has been in will no question be catastrophic.  Then two things happened.  We have found a fantastic virtual academy that will suit his needs as an individual, with teachers, personalized lessons, access to college courses in high school, and so much more that a kid like mine will shine thorugh like a super nova!  I can't wait.  I believe every child deserves to have this kind of opportunity.  I showed this program to my son, and he loves it, and can't wait to get started.  I started the enrollment process, had several conversations with families already doing this, and started collecting the proper documents... That was the second thing.  I had to retrieve documentation of the Pyrate's status for California's Gifted and Talented student program.   It's one thing to know you have a brilliant child.  It is quite another to hold in your hand documentation that measures said brilliance.  He's documented to have scored within the top 3 percentile FOR THE NATION all of the last three years in a row on standardized and specialized testing for skills and mastery in math, language arts, and science.  When we got this documentation the other day, we sat together staring at it as I explained it to him.  We sat staring at it silently.  I watched his eyes, wide and almost in disbelief.  I asked him what he was thinking.   "I'm thinking I can't wait to be out of regular public school, mom.  It's killing my reputation!"
So that was it.  I completed his enrollment and we're waiting for the curriculum to get here like kids wait for Christmas morning.  Meanwhile I'm getting myself accustomed to being the learning coach.  He'll have teachers online, but I still have to supervise and coach on the home front, plan his schedule, come up with creative ways to experience the world as it pertains to his studies.  This will be fun, so long as I properly prepare.  I'm taking the time to attend lectures and recorded speaker series on how to do all of this.
If you too are discouraged with trusting your child's education to a public system that is more damaging than it is productive, check out homeschooling.  It's not what it used to be.  You can still get certified to teach your own children if you like. But now there are virtual schools with experienced teachers who are excited, inspiring, creative, and give their students one on one attention.  There are virtual schools where most work is done online and the curriculum is more effective than what is available in public schools.  Virtual schools offer personalized instruction based on mastery.  That means if the Pyrate can pass a lesson's assessment, he can skip all of the lesson activities in that lesson and move to the next lesson.  He can accelerate in this way, to the next grade level mid year if applicable, and in high school can take classes that are worth college credit.  We can set his study schedule to fit his personal rhythm, and include outside experiences that enrich his learning in ways he would never get in regular public schools.  And here's the killer!  Most of these virtual academies are set up like charter schools, publicly funded, and free to those who are within the district that funds them.  Not only is it tuition free, they provide all curriculum materials, and loaner computers as well for free.  All you have to provide is an adult to supervise 5-6 hours a day, and regular school supplies such and notebooks and paper, etc.
A great example is the K12 program with academies nationwide.  Check it out for yourself.

The third thing I'm up to is fun, fun, fun!!  I'm learning about the art of Bento!  This is a traditional Japanese practice that involves artfully arranged meals packed in compact boxes that are usually transportable.  We are going to use the art of Obento (the respectful way to refer to the art) as a fun and entertaining way to institute healthy eating habits into our everyday life.  I've been educating myself and preparing to make it a part of our family's nutritional life.  You'll be finding recipes and photo records of this little gastro-artistic adventure posted here in my blog in the very near future.  Should you want to join me, I recommend these two blogs as reference material and  inspiration:  www.justbento.com  and  www.lunchinabox.net 

See you here again very soon when I've got my bento boxes, chopsticks and a couple of recipes under my belt... this stuff is no joke!!

The Story of Stuff.

I'm gonna show this to the Pyrate today when he gets home from school.  I hope that this will impact him in a way that motivates him to participate more cooperatively with things like... making sure to put the darn re-usable grocery bags back in my car so that the next time we go shopping, we don't have to use those awful bags that cause such a horrible mess in the oceans he wants to work in as a marine biologist when he grows up.  He and his 13 year old mind sometimes has bigger fish to fry, such as this month's crush, or how dope that olly was that he impressed his friends with.  I can't tell you how many times we get to the store and I look in the trunk and there's no bags.  grrrr!
Anyway, I digress.

Below, there is a video that I received in my email inbox this morning in celebration of Earth Day.  Please, please PLEASE watch it.  It's 20 minutes out of your day.  Just 20 minutes.  But if you allow it to sink into your brain, perhaps you will be changed inside and an awareness... an awakening will begin to occur inside of you.

It's a short film about our non-sustainable way of living... it's about our planet and all our stuff.

Now, I know some of you will say that one person doesn't make a difference.  But I want to tell you that this is a lie, and I love you but it's lazy and irresponsible to drink that koolaid.  Please let me tell you very quickly, of a very personal example of how much of a difference you can make.

A few weeks ago I watched the film Food Inc. and one of the things I immediately decided that day is that from now on, when I buy milk for the pyrate's breakfast cereal, and baking, (i don't really drink it otherwise), I would only buy organic milk from cows not treated with rbst or rbgt (hormones to make them  produce unnaturally vulgar amounts of milk to get more milk from less cows to save money on backend expenses and boost profits).  The first time I looked for organic non-treated milk on my local grocer's dairy shelf, 3 weeks ago.   I looked closely at the labels of all the milk cartons and bottles.   I almost accidentally picked up one brand because it had a little shield printed on it where it said something like, "There is no evidence to show a difference in the milk from cows treated with rbst's or rbgt's".
Yes, just like that, the real message in tiny letters, the hormone initials in bold to trick you into thinking it's a hormone free brand.
On the contrary it was just the opposite, trying to belay the fears of the consumer should they take the time to actually pick up the container and squint to read what it really says.    I always tell the pyrate, that we are striving to be a SUCKA FREE FAMILY.  He enjoys saying his mama don't raise no fool... and the Austrian?   He, with his small European mountain village sensibility, chuckles with amusement at both of us.
So, anyway, thanks for your patience, and let me get to the point,  there was only one lone brand there on the shelves, from Iowa... yes, all the way from Iowa.  Did you know California is one of the nation's biggest producers of  fruits, vegetables, and dairy products that supply a great deal of our country and the demands of others as well??? Yet the only organic milk on the shelf came from thousands of miles away.  So begrudgingly, I bought it, even though I'm also on a local foods kick, because it's more environmentally sound, and even though it was a little more expensive. I felt a little discouraged and wondered if these big companies would even care whether or not I buy their poisoned milk when everybody else is too lazy to care.  But I stood my ground and bought the more expensive out-of-state imported milk to let these companies know that they can't have my money.
BUT WAIT!  Here's the punchline!  Last week I went to the same store and we needed more milk, so I went over to the dairy section and was to grab the same Iowa brand.  It just so happened that there was a store employee there stocking the milk shelves and she overheard the pyrate and I discussing how ridiculous it was that there was no California produced organic milk available.  The stock lady butted in our conversation suddenly with a cheerful smile, and informed us that she just filled an entire shelf with organic milk from California cows with no hormone treatment.  She said this was a new shipment and the first of its kind that she'd seen in that store from not just California dairies, but from SOUTHERN California dairies all within 100 miles of our neighborhood.
My little consumer stand for what I believe in DID make a difference, when added together with others in my community who obviously also made some sort of a stand and boycotted the milk from hormone treated cows!!!  This was an exciting moment, and I'm just talking about a carton of milk here in one store, in one city.   There is so much more to be done.

I don't want to waste a moment more of your time with my babbling on about milk.  This video is not about milk, it's about living.  Please, do me the favor and watch this video all the way through to the end with an open heart, then afterwards share this blog with your friends on all your social network accounts, through your emails, and however else you can.
Please share it with your children because it is their world that is being affected, so they should be involved, like the pyrate, who is, for example in charge of recycling, composting, and making sure the doggone re-usable grocery bags get returned to the car for the next visit to the store.
Make a difference in your own life and that of those you care for and share what you know and do something about it.
Just scroll to the bottom of this page, and stop my music player then come back here and click the"story of stuff" link below to start the video!
Much love, and Happy Earth Day!!  Brig

the story of stuff




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The Pyrate Turns 13

So, on this past Friday, the Pyrate turned 13... I am officially the mother of a teenager.  Wow.  There have been moments over this last year when he spoke to me and that newly acquired deep toned voice shocked me... made me feel pangs of longing for the squeak I was so accustomed to.  But as life would have it, things do indeed change... My son, sweet, kind, funny, patient, and super-smart... is becoming a young man, facial hair and all.  Yikes.  

We spent the entire weekend celebrating with family and friends, starting with Friday evening.  I made his cake during the day... an organic creation: vanilla cake with bavarian cream and fresh strawberry filling, with buttercream frosting and a skater dude theme, made from scratch and decorated by hand, like I do every year!  (recipe will come in a later posting this week) 

The cake was a big hit when presented at the end of dinner!   I know there'll come a day in the near future when I won't be able to do this for him because he'll be off somewhere on an ocean somewhere saving a shark or something... so I'm enjoying these times while I still have them...

The evening's dinner celebration included 35 family members and close friends, and both the Pyrate and I were so moved by how many showed up.  The chain of tables the restaurant put together was so long you had to either call via phone or actually get up and walk to the other end to talk to someone there.  We had good food, lots of laughs and fun all around. 

The night was highlighted by the Pyrate reading a speech he wrote about coming of age, and his views of his life past, present, and future.   I've included it below because it was too loud in the restaurant for the people at the other end of the table to actually hear what he was saying, and also there are others who couldn't be there who the Pyrate would love to share this speech with.  So at the end of this post is that speech.  My son, he amazes me... to no end, how thoughtful and conscious he is.   

That night, three of his closest friends slept over and we got up early the next morning and went to a really cool skate park where we met up with the Pyrates cousins.  We spent the whole day there!  I made sandwiches:  turkey/avocado/spinach, curry chicken salad, and salami/sopressato with cherry preserves vinaigrette, (all recipes coming later this week) on artisan breads bought at a local bakery the day before... organic kettle chips, kashi chocolate chip cookies, and a fruit punch I made from cranberry juice, cherry juice, and fresh squeezed lemons. (recipes later this week). 

The boys had a ball, skating their butts off.  It was interesting to watch them overcome their fears and try tricks they hadn't tried before, and how they supported each other, cheering each other on, making sure no one got left behind.  Very impressive.  I am blessed that my son has such cool friends as these young men. 

All in all, it was a fantastic day!  The sun was shining, there was a gentle breeze, the spring flowers were blooming... The grown ups played frisbee and entertained each other with silly jokes.  I think I might be doing a few more picnics during the warm seasons this year... I had a lot of fun!  That is, until the gangsta squirrels decided to eat our precious leftover birthday cake!!!!!  ARRRRGH!

So, that's how it was.  I survived this better than I thought I would.  I only cried once, and that was out of the pride swelling up inside me as the Pyrate read his speech at dinner.   Another birthday past.  The weekend was over... his friends gone home...  back to life... open house at school tonight.... 

Meanwhile, the Pyrate's coming of age speech :

Maxim Abraham-Klaus Feltus Adamec Recke

    March 19, 1997. Appx. time: 13:00 Pacific Time. I was born. I am the child of Brigette Ruenette Feltus and Andre Recke. This was the beginning of my life. My mother’s cultural history, African American and Native American in heritage, dates back several generations here in America… the last two here in Los Angees.  My father’s story is new to this country, since he moved here just before I was born, and he grew up in a small town in the country side of Bavaria, Germany.    I think that I represent the American part of my heritage more than my German side, one of the largest reasons being that I live in the U.S., so I do not speak much German. I haven’t spent much time there, so I don’t know much about the rest of the German culture.
    I was born into a family filled with creative people. I have relatives that have a myriad of professions, from muralists to singers in bands. My mother was the latter of the two, was also once a makeup artist and hairstylist, then a singer/songwriter, and soon an author of her own cookbook!  My father is a manager in the music industry, where he has helped many artists to go after their dreams, and he is also a very good bass guitarist.  My grandparents are also artistic.  My granny plays piano, writes music, and teaches young people to play.  My paw paw is an amazing cartoonist, sculptor, and landscape architect.  Both of my great grandmothers were creative, one played piano, and was a sought after seamstress, the other a poet and writer.  Even my Opa in Germany is pretty crafty with his hands, having made many of the toys my dad played with as a boy… My family’s creativity encourages me to express my talent like the rest of my relatives. It was inevitable that I would be a very creative person. I love music, art, and science. I wish to create and advance the worlds of all three someday.  I am on my way now in my everyday life while I draw, practice guitar and saxophone, and study the field of marine biology.
    I think that I have some good qualities as a human being. I can see from many different points of view, yet I have a mind of my own and can think for myself. I also think that I am very intelligent and a fast learner. I think that I am fun to be around. I want to be honest, too, but sometimes I worry about what people will think of me if I tell the truth.
    I wish to be the one that doesn’t blend in, the one that doesn’t bend to the seeming force of peer pressure. I want be original, authentically me.  I want to do the best that I can, even though sometimes I don’t show it. But now that I look back on my mistakes, most of them could have been avoided. And I don’t want to be the one who had a lot of potential, but never gets anywhere. I believe that that would be a sin.

I love many things. I love my mother, my father, my stepfather and my stepmom Andreas and Shauney, my family, my best friends. I love the ocean, and everything in it. I have no idea why I love the ocean so much. I guess it’s one of those things that is just branded into your brain. I guess it might be because the ocean is the closest thing to pure life and harmony that we can get here on this planet.  I think it’s interesting that we know more about outerspace than we do about something on our own planet, the ocean.  Most of the earth’s organisms live in the ocean, including a lot of the oxygen producing plants on earth.  I plan to explore these things for the rest of my life.
I love my parents. They have stuck with me through hard times, especially my mother. I think its because she knows what its like to grow up mostly without a father in her home. She has always taken care of me, making sure to raise me right. She is always there when I’m feeling down. I love my mom.  I love my dad too.  He’s a really good person, fun to be around, and he works hard  so that I can have a good life.  I love my dad.
     I believe in many things. I believe in peace on earth, and an end to world hunger. I also believe that some religions do not truly grasp the entire concept of the universe, and teach everyone that if it isn’t mentioned in whatever holy book that religion might follow, its not possible. What about the flight of man? A few hundred years ago, Christians thought that the flight of man was blasphemy and anyone who tried to achieve this feat was a devil-worshipper. But now that we have planes, we all know that the church isn’t right about everything. I do believe in God, but I do not believe anything about  the corrupt aspects of any organized religion.
  
Today is just the beginning of another chapter in my life. It will be hard sometimes, but I want to make it through with a smile on my face. I want to be that kid who stood out, the one who refused to give in to negativity. I believe that I will succeed in changing the world, in some substantial way.
When I get older, I want to change the world. I want to try and open peoples’ eyes to pollution and the fact that the human race will cease to exist if we continue on this path of destruction, along with the rest of our fellow organisms. There are many living things suffering in the world. I also want to help to save the ones who need help. I want to be a part of the revolution that changes how people think about the earth in general forever.
    I owe the fact that I have such a good life to a lot of people. For example, my teachers and my whole gigantic family. They are the reason that I am who I am today, even though I might think they are just giving me a hard time. I know I’ll look back and thank them all. So I’m just gonna get it over with now while I have the chance.  Thanks to all of you and those who are not here for all the ways you have made my life a good one so far.  I am blessed and I thank God for you all.
My mom always reminds me that today, already while I’m still very young, I can already make a difference by setting an example with my friends, by being kind, helpful, productive, and thoughtful.  Sometimes it’s not easy to be all those things, especially when you come int contact with so many people not trying to be those things.  But I try anyway.  It’s challenging because there’s a price for all of this.  I often stand out like a sore thumb and kids sometimes make fun of me.  But I just try to remember what everyone who really matters tells me… No one can define who I am, but me.  There is a poem by William Ernest Henley called Invictus.  My mom shared it with me recently.  Apparently Nelson Mandela would recite this poem daily to himself when he was all those years in prison work camps.  Maybe this will help me like it helped him to remember that I am the captain of my own destiny. 

Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Cook 'n Dine with Brig Feltus

What happens when you learn how capitalism has completely corrupted the way we eat in this country?  You buy less processed foods.  You stop feeding your kids fast food.  You start educating yourself, and you try to cook more.  You buy fresh produce and meats from the supermarket and prepare them yourself. 

Are you safe then?  Well, no, it seems the horrifying truth is no.  Even if you do these things you are exposing your body to foods riddled with pesticides, genetical engineering, chemical fertilizers, hormones, and antibiotics.  That's just for starters.  The horror story gets worse because beyond these very tangible and obvious crimes against humanity, we are purchasing meats that come from animals raised in the most atrociously unnatural conditions in the name of mass production and high yield.  Animals are being fed foods they would never normally eat because those foods are cheaper, and because those foods manipulate the animal's metabolism, making them grow faster... up to 3 times what they would have without any manipulation. 
Produce is plucked green and unripe before the sun has gifted it with the nutrients, color, and flavor, just so that it can survive its journeys to far away places where that produce may not be growing at that time of year.  It's often treated with chemical gases once arrived, so as to create artificial ripeness.  This is why fruit from a tree in your yard tastes so different from fruit bought at your local big chain supermarket.  
We eat this food without knowing... thinking if we cook fresh food, we're doing good by our families... not understanding the growth hormones given to animals is being ingested when we eat them and our children are reaching puberty at younger and younger ages because of it.... not understanding why when we buy fruit in the grocery store the flavor is so hit and miss.... not understanding that there is very little if any research to determine what the consequences are to eating genetically engineered foods.... meanwhile cancer, diabetes, autism, immune disorders, and hundreds of other ailments continue to plague us and we don't know how we get them.

I'm only so far talking about those of us who try to do good. I don't even want to get into what's in all the packaged foods and fast food we eat in this country.  Why the hell are we in such a hurry anyway?  Greed is killing us.  It's the other name for capitalism and convenience,  if you really think about it and it's killing us one bite at a time. 
I am always outraged at the way you can walk into a grocery store and there can be two seemingly identical items on a shelf, sometimes from the same corporate source, one says 'organic'  the other not.  The organic is always more expensive.  It's preposterous.  Why, after all should it cost more to get your food the old fashioned way, with less chemicals, less pesticides, less interference in general?  Shouldn't it be if we mess with it less, it would be cheaper?  Wouldn't it make sense that if the produce grew an hour drive away, it would cost less than the one imported from South America???  Well, unfortunately, the way our food system is set up, there's no way for organic to compete on a large scale.  So we reject it.  Throw our hands up and give in to the poison... We are literally drinking the koolaid and we don't even realize it. 
So what then?  What happens when you realize this?  Well, in my case, I had the opportunity to live in other countries where the food systems are not all about capitalism. 


They might be fascinated by our bright colors and shiny flashy labels, but back home in their countries they do things a little differently than we do.
When I was living in Germany 13 years ago, there was perhaps one or two supermarkets in the cities I lived in and they weren't very popular.  Why not?  They were not needed. They were really just a novelty you could find in the really big cities where there were a lot of Americanized amenities.  That's what they call it... Americanized.... Shameful...

But again, those stores were novelties, mostly marketed towards homesick expatriots living there or poor souls who somehow thought anything Americanized was cool. 
The average person didn't go there.  It wasn't not as convenient, as inexpensive, as fresh as what they could find right outside the door to their home...
Each little neighborhood... I'm talking about a couple of blocks square... had a butcher who got his meats from the farmer who raised it, somewhere within 30-50 miles on the outskirts of town, and he received it whole and cut it into the various cuts of meat himself on the premises and sold it within the same week... each had a produce stand (or two) where you could buy fresh fruits and vegetables grown nearby... yes, they still had bananas from south america and such, but the majority of the produce came from a farm close by... and if it was out of season, they didn't have it.... simple as that... I remember thinking to myself I must be tripping off of culture shock or something because I could have sworn that the vegetables tasted better and I didn't understand at the time why... each neighborhood had a bakery with fresh baked bread and such.... and if you wanted things like cereal or other packaged foods you'd go to a store that pretty much only sold that kind of stuff... even there, was no frosted flakes, cocoa puffs, cap'n crunch, or honey bunches of oats.... there were different sorts of whole grain cereals, oats, grits, wheat meal, muesli, and the occasional granola... there you could also buy your dairy products which came from a farm which was, again within 30-50 miles of the city you were in... Cheese could be bought there too, but you could get that fresher and better quality at the cheese monger in your neighborhood.  All of these would be within easily 5 minutes walking distance and everyone owned one of those rolling market baskets that fold up like an umbrella.  People didn't even often drive to get to these places. 

It was customary to buy only what you'd use in the next couple of days and that was fine because you knew that at any time, on your way in from work or school you could stop through and pick up fresh items.  
Foods didn't have to be advertised as organic because it was the law that they be that.  They didn't need not to be because the farmers could manage to keep up with their livestock... enough to supply just the butchers in their town, and not an entire country.  By the way the entire country is smaller than the state of texas...

Did you  know that in America there used to be several dozen suppliers of meat?  Now there are about a handful... yes, actually less than 5 major meat suppliers in the entire country!  Do you know what that means?  These companies have streamlined the raising, feeding, and production of meat in this country in such a way that they can cost effectively supply a country that is probably 50 times the size of Germany!!!   You can imagine the atrocities without actually seeing them with your own eyes. 


In countries abroad, the way they produce their food is more sensible, safer, less expensive, and truly, truly more convenient and NO ONE IS COMPLAINING!  Yes, logistically it means they eat less animal products than we do.  We eat too much animal products anyway... feeding the greed in us... But the truth should hurt!

 Here, you can buy a cut of meat and there is no regulation that says they have to tell you if it has been treated, for example as some ground meats with fillers are, with ammonia... or to inform you of whether or not the meat is from a cloned animal.  Or whether the 3 lb chicken you're buying has been fed animal waste products mixed in its meal and  is really 2 lbs and the rest is salt water injected into it to make it look more plump.... (by the way, they're selling it to you by the pound and you're paying for that pound of salt water... basically paying to be lied to... )  Our regulations are in reverse.  There are regulations for those claiming to be organic but none saying that non-organic food producers have to disclose anything... Okay, they disclose "ingredients" but nothing about the processing, nothing about the growth, nothing about the pesticides, hormones or antibiotics... because we would be outraged! 


So what now?  In my case, I am now slowly weening my family off of non-organic eating habits.  We are shopping farmer's markets for produce when we can and buy from the organic section in the supermarket.  We're eating less meat because it's expensive to buy free range, grass fed, hormone free, antibiotic free animal products.  We also shop at small bodega type markets which we know buy their fresh foods locally within our state.  
I cook more often.  I seldom eat at fast food places anymore except in an emergency, and I try to hit up one such as Chipotle which is a known practitioner of sustainable foodsWe are not religious about all of this.  But everytime I buy food, I am conscious now.  I am aware now.  I don't ever put anything in my mouth without understanding the consequences.  It is a matter of awareness. 

And this is how Cook 'n Dine with Brig Feltus was born.  I wanted to share what I'm learning with people who would listen.  We're making it fun by visiting farmer's markets, watching films, cooking together, and then dining together. 

The first one was a great success, with a sold out attendance and raves afterward.  We went to a farmer's market, watched a film about farmers markets around the country, and then cooked a delicious Sunday Brunch style meal. 

This month, we'll be headed out early in the morning to a local organic farm that supplies fresh produce to high end restaurants and farmer's markets in Los Angeles county.   We'll be watching Food Inc.  and then cooking with the foods we bring back from the farm. 
If you are an Los Angeles local and any of this post inspires or moves you to make a change in your own life, please join us!  Let's learn together and spread this information to others that we love.  As corruption crumbles this obscene way of life all around us, just like in other living species, only the fittest will survive.  I don't intend to be among the feeble.  I intend to be among the strong, and  I'm starting with this small baby step and I hope you'll take it with me. 
Monthly sessions can be attended by signing up at brigfeltuscookndine@earthlink.net
You can also join our facebook group to stay in the loop regarding future events.
Co-Ed Cook 'n Dine with Brig Feltus group page on Facebook

Stating The Obvious Volume I

I state the obvious to remind myself to first test the simple solutions.  Here is my first collection of advice to self...

If you're looking at the equation and it's not adding up, the numbers are all wrong.

If you don't like where you are, go somewhere else.

When it's dark and it seems like you can't see the end of the road, #1 open your eyes, #2 perhaps you missed your offramp.

When it's dark and it seems like you can't see the end of the road, #1 open your eyes, #2 perhaps you missed your offramp.

When you think you have it all figured out, remember that it's all an illusion.

When you feel exhausted with how long it's taking, put down one or two of those heavy bags you insist on carrying around.

If you already think the answer is "no", then what do you have to lose by asking?

If you're not happy with who you are, then you're not yourself.

You should know you're addicted to something when it costs you more than you can afford and you still don't let it go.

When a brick falls from the sky and hits you in the head, MOVE! don't wait for the rest of the building to fall on you too!!!

If you want something to grow, you have to feed it daily.

Before you go looking for the answer out in the world, clean out your cabinets you might already have what you're looking for.

The truth hurts? It may sting a bit but the devastation a lie can cause is immeasurable.

There's no one else like me, and that's just like everyone else in the world.

Greed kills... mind, body, and spirit, but generosity creates life.

~All of the above Statements of the Obvious were written by Brig Feltus


Thankyouverymuch.  :)

The Plight (flight) of the Polymath (butterfly)

The other day I received a message on twitter that caused me to take pause and contemplate.   
"  (By the way), I thought I was a polymath.....you may have me beat. ;)  "


Now, I kinda knew what the word meant but I would in no way have ever held that perspective of self, so I stopped and looked up the word to make sure I understood what it meant, because, by my definition, he must have me confused with someone else who's a lot less disfunctional than I am. 

I often find myself stuck unable to decide what to do next.  About what?  About most anything.  It's not because I lack imagination or education, or resources.  It's not because I lack initiative. It's not because of fear of failure.  It's not because I'm depressed.  It's not because I'm lazy.  Although most of the time when I feel stuck, these things are exactly what I've been conditioned to think of myself, mostly due to being diagnosed as such throughout my life at one time or the other by well meaning grown ups who never really took the time to actually get inside my head.    Occasionally, I get up the gumption to get things done, and there's almost always some sort of measurable success. 

I have, in my lifetime an innumerable collection of these small successes.  But I have always put a lot more credit (or charge, as it were) towards the long periods of time in between them, when I was stuck in seemingly endless bouts of ruts asking myself "What to do, what to do?"  This has always made me feel like I lack direction... like I can't make up my mind who I am.... like a need to stop hopping around from one thing to the other and just choose something reasonable and stick to it.  But that's not who I am, so attempts to do this have always ended in disappointment and injury to my self esteem.   I used to dread anyone asking me what I do.  What should I tell them?  I'm a mother, I'm a volunteer at the pyrate's school, I'm a hobby gourmet...soon-to-be cookbook author and home cooking teacher, I'm a writer, I'm a vocalist, I'm a songwriter, I'm a blogger, I'm a former makeup artist, I'm a poet, I'm a bridge connecting many people, I'm a painter, I'm a crafter, I'm a business partner, I'm a supporter of the arts, I'm a wife, a daughter, a friend to many, I'm a motivator, I'm a teacher, I'm a truth seeker, I'm an entertainer.  Those are the things I am everyday.  On occasion, I am my family's hub, I am an activist, I am a therapist, I am a world traveler, I am a speaker of several languages, I am a healer, I am an employer...
I suppose I could go on and on if I think about it long enough.  Most of the time I don't think about it like this.  All I see is that over the last year I didn't accomplish any of my goals from the year before... except getting married... and that feels like failure on first pass to me when i'm in a rut.  I've been as hard on myself as those who would, in the past, judge me harshly without knowing me... almost as if I don't know myself.  All those things that I am... collectively they can feel very overwhelming if I hold myself to the high expectations in my head.  When I sort of finish something or it comes to a halt for some reason, I find myself unprepared with the next thing because I've dedicated my focus on doing the one thing with some sort of grand ambition.  Then all of a sudden that space in my head is wide open, and all the other things that I am come flooding in and I realize how many things I want to be doing, should be doing, have to be doing, in order to feel authentically me, but I'm overwhelmed.  I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I can't even think about it all.  I have to just be silent and pretend like I am none of those things... don't answer my phone, don't check my mail, just shut down and allow my mind to be silent and still until the feeling passes and I can pick something to focus on... It never occurred to me that it would be okay to just be them all at once.   That's the way it is to be multi-talented I suppose.... but I never really would have called myself this.  These many facets of me felt like indecision at best.  Most people, after all don't even understand what it means to have so many options so to them, I just look flighty.  It would be so much easier to just have one title. 

The newer stuff that I do is the hardest.  The music I make is good.  But I often feel like I cheated because I've not been doing it all my life.  I don't practice it for hours everyday til it's perfection.  I just do it, with some degree of organic movement and emotion.  It is an expression and not a science for me.  I expect to not get acclaim because I feel that there are so many others who work harder at it for a lot longer than I and they deserve to reap the benefits of their labor.  I can't even tell you how many times I walked into a room full of fellow artists and felt like I would be exposed for the impostor that I surely must be.  Because, how could I be a music artist AND all these other things? 



Then the other day, this message came, from a virtual stranger, a cyber friend, who doesn't know me from Joe Schmoe.   I thought to myself "Huh?  Polymath?  Me? Yeah, right... quit yankin' my chain bro."   That's what happens when you're a grown ass woman and someone pays you a compliment that seems to be a bit superfluous by definition.  You think your chain's gettin' yanked.  :) 


But I didn't respond right away because experience has also taught me to take a pause in moments like that and utilize my resources.  So I did just that and looked up the word.  Here is the wikipedia definition of the word.  Scroll over the little icon:

 Polymath






Now, in the first few lines of the definition, I was still convinced there was no application where this word related to me.  I'm certainly no expert at anything... at least not by my own allowance.  After all, there's an artist's rendition of Leonardo Da Vinci there as an illustration.  That's a lot to live up to.  lol..

But as I read on I began to see things in the definition that actually sound a lot like me... if I put aside those judgements ordained upon me in my youth and allow for a different perspective. 


I am a Renaissance (Wo)Man.  That information is quite empowering in this particular moment, when I've been having one of those periods of being stuck that seems to have gone on for almost 2 years now, since just after the release of my debut album.  Which if I allow myself to be honest about it, was a huge accomplishment.   Ever since, I've been bumbling around doing a little bit of this and then a little bit of that, but doing nothing with any significant amount of commitment because I felt ridiculous to do so.   The wedding planning distracted me for about 8 months, but that ended very quickly when all the festivities were over.  (Another hugely successful accomplishment considering it was mostly do-it-yourself styling and planning for 250 guests...)    But now, I think I realize, this is just who I am.  I have to just give my all, to all of it, in the best way I can, and be thankful for the multiple gifts that I may enjoy including never being forced to endure boredom. 



There comes time in ones life when one must rename themselves, redefine who they are, based on who they are, and put aside all of the externally projected judgments, labels, names, and definitions one trusts in one's youth.


There comes a time when you must either embrace yourself, in all that you are and celebrate or resign yourself to the misery of dissatisfaction with your life.  

I am a Polymath.   Like a butterfly, I may light upon many a different flower and that may seem like "flightiness" to some, but in truth, I pollinate each petal I light upon with life and love and in those visits the world is hopefully in a small way improved for myself and others and life is perpetuated.

I am a Renaissance (Wo)Man, and I am now aware of becoming enlightened to what I must do.  I must stop allowing myself to be overwhelmed with not meeting other people's expectations, and allow myself to just DO what I do,  the best I can do it... all of it... like...
my very own little symphony of ME.

This year's composition includes plans to write and produce a new cd, take a summer trip to Austria to visit the Austrian's parents, get my Cook 'n Dine sessions up and running, write a cookbook, perform live more, a trip to the UK in the fall for my cousin's wedding, the whole family getting scuba certification (which means classes and two dives), start brainstorming for the rock opera I want to write, work on some substantial health and wellness improvements, and somewhere in all of that make a baby! 
So I guess this year I'll just attempt to do it all with some astute choreography.  Let's see what happens.

Projects for Giving: Edible Gifts Finale!

We've got a few of these already packed gift boxes left, if you're local and would like to grab some up... let me know.  I'll let them go for $15 per box. 

Boxes purchased at www.nashvillwraps.com

A small booklet with recipes and suggestions for how to use the items included in the gift box.

I guess, my first cookbook.  Perhaps someday a collector's item??

 

Graphics by Andreas Adamec, thread bound paper bag books by Scrapbook Supply Outlet on ebay

 

Bubba's Rosemary Lemon Salt

(tins and jars in this posting purchased from www.specialtybottle.com , recycled paper tissue, and recycled paper ribbon all purchased at www.nashvillewraps.com )

BeeBee's Gourmet  Honey Mustard with Beer and Tarragon

The Pyrate's Ginger-Infused Honey

BeeBee's Gourmet  Honey Mustard with Sun-dried Tomatoes and Garlic


Christmas has passed now, and the new year is soon upon us!!  The Pyrate, the Austrian, and the Butterfly all wish you a happy New Year and all the best to you and yours!!!

You Must Change

Last year I remember having a phone conversation with a girlfriend about getting married and she asked me sadly what my secret was for finding a good man.  I was startled by the question.  It's my second marriage.  I don't necessarily consider a second try to be evidence of having the "magic words" for anything.   If anything, the failure of my first marriage made me a lot less romantic in my perspective on the institution and that's not a bad thing.  I don't believe there's some secret method nor do I believe there is a guarantee things will work out.  I'm not even sure if there is one clear and concise definition for what a so-called "good man" is.   I believe, (and I can think of many who will scoff at this... but before you do, remember your own secret shortcomings and imagine how you'd perceive them in another person), I believe all people are good men at their core.  Bad behavior is a symptom of some sort of pathology.  All the time.

If you've had a relatively good life, and still you behave badly, there is still the condition of being human.  The very fact that we are confined to our flesh can incite bad behavior in mankind.  There will always be a part of us that seeks to transcend our flesh, even if we are not conscious of what the true source of longing is.

That is the level of compassion I try to uphold in all of my relationships.  Conversely, I also exercise the  power of faith and expect people to be on their best behavior.  I expect it.  If they don't live up to my expectations, I address it then.   But everyone starts out being expected to do what's right because sometimes that's all a person needs is for someone to believe they can.  At the same time, I practice (hello) being on my best behavior as well.  Because if I treat me well, isn't that the best example to be set???

Here's an example.  I am messy.  My car is often dirty and has, at any given moment a wide variety of miscellaneous clutter in it.  Because of that, people who ride in my car don't feel any reservations about leaving their empty bottles, paper trash, or other miscellaneous stuff in my car.  I don't like it, and it may not be right, but what can I expect when they are simply doing in Rome as the Romans do?

That said, I don't believe in putting my energy into other people's behavior because I can't control it.   If I have a "secret", perhaps that is it.  But that's no secret at all!  For sure it's not fail-proof, nor is it going to prevent disappointment 100% of the time.   Sometimes the one behaving badly, or making bad choices, is me.  *smile* Imagine that.... The idea that they might be doing something to create their circumstances doesn't even occur to most people.  And we've been taught to not blame ourselves... to "not be so hard on ourselves".  There's a big difference between forgiving myself for a bad choice, learning from that for future purposes, and allowing the neurosis of self pity and woe to take over as a distraction from what's really going on.  When we feel pain, failure, or disappointment, it's almost as if the idea that it might be our own fault is scarier than the idea that we might repeatedly self-inflict said pain on ourselves. This is, for sure, bad behavior, albeit self-inflicted, it is still bad behavior. 

There's an old saying that "You cannot change people.  You can only change your reactions to them."   This goes back to the old bible scripture that says, "Lord give me the strength to change the things I can and the serenity to accept the things I cannot."   Both change and acceptance are all about YOU.

I had a phone conversation the other day with someone who was in tears over how she was "being treated" in the relationship she's in... a relationship that she's been in for 4 some-odd years now, (or longer), and in which she's been treated exactly the same way since the very beginning.  Yet she is still calling me in tears and complaining about her partner's bad behavior in great detail, villanizing them as if the whole sum of her misery was due to this person's evil behavior.   I could have endured this if it weren't for the fact that I've been privvy to about a dozen or more of these tear soaked rants from this person in regards to the same relationship.   As I was listening, it was like watching someone stand on hot coals, smoke rising from their feet and they continue to stand there  voluntarily and curse the coals, the idea never occurring to them that they should step to the left or right and stop allowing their feet to be burned.  I told this friend, "Please, I love you, but I really don't want to hear about all the things he does, how wrong he is, or how you don't understand why he's that way.  I don't care about ANY of that!!!  All I care about is what's wrong with you that you stay year after year with someone who inflicts such atrocities on you."   Silence, on the other end of the line... then a proclamation that I was right and she'd had enough.  I've heard that before. That was a week ago.  I'll believe she's done, when she's done.
Why do we do that?   Isn't it common sense that if we are in a relationship with someone whose behavior is hurtful, then we are responsible for our own welfare?  People who behave badly are hurting themselves, and we expect them to be responsible for someone else's well being?  That's irrational, and in my opinion bad behavior of the worst kind.
How can we expect to be honored when we do not honor ourselves?

So what is a good man?  That's the question of the century, right?  Well, I'm going to disappoint a whole lot of sensation mongers and say that for me, a good man is a man who is confident, has faith in the unseen, has healthy love for self and the rest of humanity, practices honesty, is open-minded and doesn't let fear stop him from growing.   All that other stuff that you think matters, only exists collectively in one person if they have these things.  If any one of these is completely non-existent you are setting yourself up for trouble.  That's why it's important when you choose to allow yourself to open up wide and choose a life partner, you need to be very aware and not be too swept away in the excitement that you see something in them that you think you need most which is really about some childhood lack which you cannot reverse and correct with another person.    If they have that one thing and nothing else you will have a rude awakening in the not-to-distant future.  I promise you that.
Some people close their eyes long before that. 
Another friend paid me a visit recently and told me about a situation with a guy she had a crush on but hadn't approached.  A friend of hers told the guy she was interested.  He very sheepishly mumbled something about workplace relationships being awkward, etc...  For me, that hesitation from someone I work with on a daily basis, would have been enough to tell me to move on and that he's not interested.  That's just me.  Hesitation is a red flag.  A guy who is into me doesn't hesitate.  If he's into you and he hesitates, he's in some way insecure about the situation and that's enough.  Next.  Simple as that.  But that's just me...

But this story doesn't end there.  My friend started texting this person a few days later and told him that she wanted to talk to him about something.  He texted her back asking what she needed to speak with him about.  She told him it would be better to talk about it in person and wanted to know if they could get together and talk.  No response.  No reply.  No text back saying "Let me get back to you."  No text saying, "I'm not comfortable with that."  No text saying, "I can't,  I have a girlfriend."  Nothing.  Blank screen.  No response.  She's annoyed by this, all in a dander... going on and on about not understanding why he didn't respond, and how rude that was and blah blah blah, etc.... For me, there would have been no initial text requesting to speak to him.  He'd been tossed the ball.  He'd already been made aware of my interest.  The ball's in his court.  Out of respect for the fact that I don't even know if he's interested, I would leave him the space to decide quietly whether he wanted to test these waters or not. But if I was slippin' and texted him the request, and he basically snubbed it and just walked away from the conversation without a response to the request, that would say to me... A.  he's not interested.  B.  he's at very least a coward with bad communication skills, and possibly even a jerk who is rude.


These two possibilities would have immediately exterminated any further energy being expended in his direction.  Period.  There would not be a conversation about it later with a friend because I'm still trying to figure out what happened or why he didn't respond.  There'd be no need to tell him off.  There'd be no anger as if he'd assaulted or insulted me in some way.  There would be no wish to give him a piece of my mind.  I might have a few choice words for myself for putting dude on the spot.  But I certainly would not be talking myself into excuses for how he might possibly still be interested.   Nope.   Such unprofitable expenditures of energy are bad for ones self esteem.  He doesn't qualify.  That doesn't mean he's a bad person.  It could simply mean he's not exhibiting positive, proactive interest.  But that's irrelevant.  I don't care.  That is a deal breaker.   Period.  Mind, you it also does NOT mean he's NOT a bad person (a.k.a., a person with some issues i don't want anything to do with.)  But that's irrelevant too.  What's important is whether or not I am who I want to be within that relationship.  If the answer is no, there's nothing more to be said.  It's a toxic endeavor. We make deal breakers for the soap opera stuff.  Sometimes we make deal breakers for the material stuff.  Sometimes we make deal breakers about really stupid stuff, all the while allowing some really seriously life-damaging, soul injuring situations to go on unchecked because we want so badly to have something real.

Sound like insanity?  Well why do we behave so irrationally?  I remember in my teens feeling that desperation.  But at some point I realized that the fantasy that someday I was going to meet someone who would sweep me away and make everything alright was... a fantasy.  Fantasies are healthy so long as you keep them in perspective and don't start lying to yourself just to keep the fantasy alive.

Some people endure major atrocities in the name of keeping the fantasy alive.  Thereby almost assuredly killing it dead.  The irony...  It's a shame because if your fantasy is to be in a loving, intimate, wholesome relationship that lasts, and you allow yourself to be stuck pretending like the one you're in will do even though you don't feel loved, you're lonely, and you feel threatened.... you single-handedly rob yourself of the possibility that you will ever have anything even similar to that fantasy. 

That's what I know to be true.  In my present relationship, which is the happiest I've ever been in any relationship, I have had to learn to practice loving myself and expecting my lover to love me at that level as well, as if it were a given that he should.  This took some adjusting on my part and on his.  We're still learning.  We had a breakup midway through the time we've been together.  We'd been fighting and fighting and it was horrible.  Nothing was changing.  I was blaming him, and calling myself a victim.  But nothing would change because I was waiting for him to do it, when all the time, it was I who needed to change.  I needed to set a precedent for how I wanted to be loved.  What was happening was not it.  Knowing that was true, and believing that I could have that kind of love, I broke up with the Austrian.  No more fights, no more talking, no more tears, no more feeling sorry for myself, no more being angry with him.  I stepped out of my comfort zone, and took a chance that it would be over between us, even though I hoped that my putting my foot down would be enough to make a difference.  He could have been at a place in his life where he would project onto me all fault, but he didn't and we eventually reunited with a revised version of our relationship.   If things had turned out differently, at least I would have been exercising my faith in what I believe is a healthy and good relationship.

What's really interesting is applying this to every kind of relationship.  You can apply this principal of personal responsibility to any relationship you invest yourself in, be it a person, a job, a creative endeavor, etc...  If you want to be successful, but you stay in a job that makes you miserable and/or forces you to be someone you don't want to be, why are you there?  If you have a powerful passion and gift for something creative but you shun it because you were brought up to not take such things seriously, you are denying your passion, and you are denying all of those who could be benefiting from your gift.   If you want to have close, intimate friendships with a certain kind of interaction, why do you spend exorbitant amounts of time with people who not only don't have the same wishes, they actually don't possess the life skills to foster these wishes.  It's not about being mean and exclusionary.  It's about the kind of energy you invest and what/whom you invest it in. 
If we were all more like this, I believe people would be more motivated to grow, change, be more authentic because the likelihood of someone putting up with their bullshit would be greatly reduced.  They would change for pure social survival purposes.  Think of all the things you don't do because you value your friends, family, lover, children, parents, etc... 

Learning to have the strength to change what you can and the serenity to accept when you can't is the key.  It is changing my life for sure for the better, and I only wish there were someone telling me these things when I was 19.  I would have saved myself an enormous amount of heartache and pain... and energy.  Does it mean being lonely sometimes?  Yes.  Does it mean being broke sometimes?  Yes.  But I would rather be lonely and broke sometimes than miserable in my connections all of the time.  Spend those lean times to improve self, focus on self growth and know that there is no reason to fear.  All things pass...



Young ones reading here, think about it....